THE CHOSEN ONES ( PART TWO )


from the ABC set Stories

In a thicket of the forest a young child was
foraging for herbs for her mother, she stopped in
her tracks for she knew hunters were coming, she
watched as the birds flew from the trees, 'a sure
sign,' she thought to herself, she quickly hid in
some long grass and ferns, that were so tall, they
were almost her size.

She watched and waited, not making a sound, hardly
daring to breathe in case she was heard. Sure
enough the hunters came marching, striding out,
the child peeped out from between the ferns and
saw there were about twenty hunters, this was a
route they regularly took, she knew being there
was very dangerous, but the herbs were so lusciously rich in taste that her mother would be
so pleased with her. Often if she came home with
nothing, her father would beat her so hard she
would ache for days.

Suddenly the hunters stopped, the child cried with
fear, they were so close that they started to smell
the air, 'could it be they were aware of her?'
she sobbed quietly crouching down even lower into
the ferns not daring to come up.

She had been down in the ferns for so long, she
had cried herself to sleep. When she awoke she
had no idea how long she had been asleep, but she
was very cold and shivering, she poked her head up
very slowly and looked out, there was not a hunter
in sight, she thought again how lucky she had been,
she felt safe enough to go home now.

As she made her way back to the camp, she could
tell something was wrong, her mother seemed
worried. Evelyne watched with anger as her daughter
hesitantly came towards her.

Evelyne stood quite tall with shoulder length
black hair that was always covered by a scarf made
from bear skin, she wore a top and a long skirt
that were also made from the skin of a bear and
so were the boots that she wore, every part of the
bear would be utilized.

The child wondered what was wrong, her mother had
her arms crossed, which usually meant something
was not right. She started to run towards Evelyne
crying, "mother look what I have found for you,"
but Evelyne was not listening, she caught hold of
the child and dragged her into their hut.
"Why oh why?" screamed Evelyne,
"Why what?" said her child, "your hurting me
mother!"

"You went on hunting ground didn't you?"
"How do you know?" cried the child, now shaking
with fear.
"You were seen, luckily for you by a friend of
your fathers." said Evelyne getting angrier by the
second.

The child then wondered why the hunters hadn't
grabbed her. She questioned her mother,
"because," said Evelyne, "they know what your
father would do to you if they had brought you
back, luckily he's not here but if he finds out,
you will surely be beaten."

The child felt a fear, a fear even bigger than
the one she had felt when in the forest.
"But mother I wanted to please you with fine herbs
for the stewing meat." she said.

"Then pick them anywhere, but where the hunters go,
will you promise me?"
the child looked at her mother, "it won't happen
again I promise."
Evelyne calmed down and told the child to go and
prepare the herbs for the pot and keep her baby
brother entertained while she got the meat ready.

The child feared and worried what mood her father
would be in when he came home, she was also worried
that he would find out about her going on hunting
ground, she didn't think she could take another
beating.

To be continued ..........

Discuss this piece in the abctales forum


Comments

SteveM | March 24, 2011 - 10:32

Hi Jenny, A most interesting start. Part 1 was an all encompassing world... suddenly it's straight into a storyline that's done with such ease. Looking forward to part 3.

Steve

skinner_jennifer | March 24, 2011 - 10:44

Hi Steve,

thankyou so much for reading and for such a great
comment, it's always appreciated.

Jenny.

Silver Spun Sand | March 24, 2011 - 12:14

Quite an impressive start you have got off to here, Jenny. You build the atmosphere of your story very effectively and draw the reader in, which is of course, more than vital. Well done;-)

Tina

skinner_jennifer | March 24, 2011 - 12:44

Tina,

your words have given me such a boost, thankyou for
reading it really helps because I know you would
tell me if something didn't seem right and that is
what I need.

Again thankyou for the comment.

Jenny.

Highhat | March 24, 2011 - 14:09

I am tagging along Jenny and will be right to the end.
;)Pia

skinner_jennifer | March 24, 2011 - 15:33

Thankyou Pia,

your more than welcome to tag along and your kind
words more than welcome.

Jenny.

insertponceyfre... | March 24, 2011 - 19:40

I agree with Tina - I think you're very good at keeping us all at attention for the next part - that's a real skill

skinner_jennifer | March 24, 2011 - 19:47

Thankyou insert,

I'm just in the process of waiting for the 24 hours
to be up, so I can put the next part on.

It's really kind of you to read and comment, it
helps me a lot.

Thankyou.

Jenny.

Sooz006 | March 31, 2011 - 18:12

Nice one Jen. You wrote the little girl's fear of her dad really well. It should be wrong that a beating from her dad is worse than being killed by hunters... but that's how it is, isn't it? The ultimate fear. Nicely told.

skinner_jennifer | March 31, 2011 - 20:27

Thanks Sooz006,

I think in the story, that her father is trying to
help her understand the dangers of the forest and
children in the story have to grow up quick, so its
a kind of a short, sharp, warning, if you know what
I mean? because he really does love his family, they
are his life, and he's a nice guy really.

Thankyou for reading and the great comment, always
appreciated.

Jenny.

well-wisher | April 5, 2011 - 10:07

I thought that this was well written and entirely believable.

I like how you have introduced the social constraints within Evelynne's world and set up a conflict because, from what I have read about storytelling, conflict is the root out of which all good stories emmerge.

I am very eager to see what happens next.

skinner_jennifer | April 5, 2011 - 10:15

I'm so grateful for you reading this story, I do
hope you carry on enjoying it well-wisher, it makes
it all the more worth while writing, if I know others
are enjoying it.

Thankyou for another brilliant comment, much appreciated.

Jenny.