Watch the blue sky
sweep the Ocean
as the clouds form
and then burst forth...
the gentle clicking
hangs on the air as
the Porpoise sings,
from the depths
hear the cries of
all the lost souls...
crestfallen and
gently unfolding,
the Spirit Wreck
that lays to rest...
rusting – recalling
like a reminiscent
long forgotten dream,
though decomposing
rust clings to its curves,
there it lies motionless,
a portentous spectacle...
where jewelfish swiftly
circle amongst flotsam,
darting – dispersing...
they scatter like the wind,
above a Sun reflects on
the ripples glistening lip,
shimmering as the dark
gloom deep beneath... not
quite reaching the surface.
Comments
fatboy74 | October 26, 2011 - 19:12
above a Sun reflects on
the ripples glistening lip,
shimmering as the dark
gloom deep beneath... not
quite reaching the surface.
this poem has real momentum Jenny driven on by the short lines and present participles. The last section is an example of what I mentioned in my last post - very well done. :-)
Mark Heathcote | October 26, 2011 - 23:01
I enjoyed this little voyaged down to a wreck very visual.
skinner_jennifer | October 27, 2011 - 10:55
Thankyou so much for reading this poem FB, I always
appreciate it.
I will have to go back to your last poem to read
what you mentioned in yours.
I'm really glad you enjoyed reading and again thankyou for letting me know.
Jenny.
skinner_jennifer | October 27, 2011 - 10:57
Hi Mark,
I'm really glad you got the visual picture in this
poem, I always try to give a picture if I can in
most of my poems, so I really appreciated your
comment.
Thankyou for reading and letting me know.
Jenny.
Silver Spun Sand | October 27, 2011 - 11:13
This is so very beautiful, Jenny, and I agree with what fb has already said.
You are certainly 'on a roll' lately, and long may it continue;-)
Tina
Highhat | October 27, 2011 - 11:27
Yes visual is a good description of this- it is very easy to get the picture. Well done- haunting as well
;)Pia
skinner_jennifer | October 27, 2011 - 15:06
Hi Tina,
thankyou so much for your kind comment. It's not easy
at all this writing business, but I do so enjoy writing for fun and fun it is.
You are a such a great tonic to me, as are so many
others on here.
Thankyou again for your comment and your much
appreciated reading.
Jenny.
skinner_jennifer | October 27, 2011 - 15:09
Hi there Pia,
it's so good to know that people who read my poems
can get a good picture of what I'm writing about, it
makes me so happy, as I enjoy painting...so painting
a picture with words is all important to me.
Thanks for reading Pia and the wonderful comment,
always appreciated as you know.
Jenny.
Kahdai | November 14, 2011 - 13:33
This is beautiful Jenny, I read it with a slow song rythem and you give lovely details thankyou :) K
skinner_jennifer | November 14, 2011 - 18:02
Dear Kahdai,
you are so kind, I never realised it could be set
to the rythem of a song. That is such a cool thing.
You have really made my evening.
Thankyou again and also for reading, I'm glad you
liked this one.
Take care.
Jenny.
Kahdai | November 18, 2011 - 20:55
welcom :)