A cloud of Gnats hovered around,
a scurry of Mice on the ground...
as Moths take flight...they
hear my sound,
Grasshoppers I did hear...
as large black Hornet Flies
buzz round my ear,
Mosquitos become too much for me...
as bites on my skin I can see,
do I really want to change this scene...
this beautiful mystery that I've been in?
sometimes I think it's plain to see...
somethings should be left to be.
Comments
Highhat | May 22, 2011 - 16:33
Very descriptive Jenny- I really got a bit of a creepy feeling but the place was described quite beautifully as well.
;)Pia
Silver Spun Sand | May 22, 2011 - 18:16
I quite agree with Pia, Jenny;-) It does have rather an eerie feel about it.
Just a tiny typo in the second stanza...one of those little blighters I'm afraid;-) Should be 'too much for me'.
I like the way you have split this poem. It gives it much greater depth, just like walking into a 'secret garden' in fact, when one is not sure exactly how big it is.
The sentiments expressed in the concluding stanza I endorse, wholeheartedly;-)
A lovely read.
Tina
skinner_jennifer | May 23, 2011 - 08:44
Thankyou for reading Pia,
I know what you mean about creepy,
which was what I wanted to capture.
I suppose it's natures way of saying
go away, leave this garden alone.
Anyway thanks for the great comment.
Jenny.
skinner_jennifer | May 23, 2011 - 08:48
Hi Tina,
thankyou for helping me, much appreciated.
I'm glad the splitting of the poem into two
worked for you, you were right about not
really realising how big the garden actually was.
Thankyou for reading and commenting.
Jenny.