THE MERLIN AND THE SPARROW

Well done Jenny! Thanks for rising to the challenge.
I had a similar experience a few years ago when a sparrowhawk took a bird that had come down to feed. I love feeding the birds, but that's taking things a bit far!

If I was writing this, based on my bird feeding experience, I would probably have called it 'Feeding the Birds', leaving the attack as a surprise, then finished with something like 'That's not how I like to feed the birds.'
Re-reading it, there seems to be a bit of padding with words like whoosh, splashing and shock, horror. I think the technique is to write a story longer than 60 words, then tighten the prose to make every word count. I hate being critical, but hopefully this is constructive!
Tony x

Hi Hourhouse,
Thankyou so much for replying to my story. I always
appreciate constructive advice. I wanted to put in
those words, to relay to the reader the way I felt.
It was quite difficult with only 60 words to write.

Don't worry about being critical to me, but I know
how you feel. I cannot seem to criticize other
peoples work, I am a novice at this writing business.
Having only been with ABC Tales since beginning of
June. Thanks again for reading.
Jenny.

very atmospheric ;)

Highhat,
Thankyou so much for your comment, it was much
appreciated.
Jenny.

I stopped submitting a story parted in chapters because I didn't get any comments. I found the story boring then. Funny ? ;D

Highhat,
I totally agree with you, people don't seem to
comment on long stories, as much as short ones,
or poems, which are my favourite.
Poems were more my thing, before I came on ABC Tales.
Also with stories, I find it hard to be authentic.
There has been so many different subjects written
about, so I end up writing about myself, and I
suppose it gets boring to others.
Do you agree?
Jenny.

It doesn't have to get boring for others but it is good to learn to write fiction. The whole thing about writing about something fictitious is the way you get wrapped up in your story and the process is so winning. A lot of dialogue is also a good thing. I am more for poems also and symbolisme. I have had a tendency to write about myself. I love reading others stories and poems- some are really fantastic and advert writers !!I haven't written anything for a while due to my language barrier. It is getting harder and harder.Getting old and grey ;)
It'll come and in time I am sure I will find something to write- maybe come autumn and winter when the sun isn't so absorbing ;D

nice read jen well done

Highhat,
Thankyou for replying back. I only got my computer in
June. I have books of written stories, I wrote them
for myself. I do get absorbed in writing, but when I
came on ABC Tales it was like another world. I have
always been frightened of computers, up until now.
I would much prefer to have a pen and paper, then you
can write in the garden. But then again I suppose
with lap tops available, you can type in the garden
aswell.
I suppose it's because I come from a time, when
computers were only used in the work place. But then
you sound like you come from that era, the sixties
and seventies.
Sorry I am raving on, so thanks again for writing
back anyway.
Jenny.

Hi Darkoe2ih2k,
Thanks for your nice comment, glad you enjoyed it.
I had fun thinking up a story with only 60 words.
Jenny.

your a great writer jen well done

Oh yes Jenny ,I am absolutely to pen and paper as well but the computer comes in very handy. My son is an expert that is why I started off early with a laptop. Yes it is great that you can take it almost anywhere and write but if I am serious I will write with pen and paper first and then type it "down". Yes I am from 60'ies and 70'ies- great time methinks- sooo mellow ;D
xxpia

and yes Jenny I do like the splash and woosh in your poem- I can't remember what the technical term is (figurative??) but it brought out the dramatic effect!!
pia xx

Thanks pia,
Yes those wonderful times in the sixties and seventies, like you said so mellow.
Jenny.

I'm feeling like I was too hard on you Jenny, but my comments were sincere and trying to help. I did enjoy the story and I'm intrigued to hear you have a lot of written stories too. Really hope you can find time to revisit them and type some into your pc.
I'm from the same era, heading for 60, but after 30 years in IT, my computer is like my right hand. However, I still type with two fingers, looking at the keyboard, although I do it quite quickly by now!

Hi Hourhouse,
Please your comments were really helpful. I think
that calling it "feeding the birds" would have
given it that air of not knowing what was coming.
I am always grateful for any comments on my work.
Please don't feel you were to hard.
I am heading for 60 aswell, Like I said to Highhat
(Pia,) I have only recently got this computer, believe
it or not I have never used one before, but like Pia
said my son is teaching me. He is an expert, where
as I haven't got a clue what I am doing half the
time, well except on ABC Tales, but even with that
I am not sure where I should go.

My first poem that got a cherry, was great. except
at the time I did not even know what a cherry was.
I was a bit dumb struck, but I feel a bit silly about
it now.

Anyway again please don't worry about anything you
say.
Jenny.

it was written like you experienced it flash and it was done! well done; i like it
:)

Hi darkenwolf,
thanks for your comment, glad you liked it.
Jenny.

NP keep up the good work

I liked this. It was a bit like Flash Fiction. A very short and yet very poignant story.

Hi well-wisher,
It was a story that had to be written in know more than 60 words, so it was a challenge.
I am glad you liked it, Thankyou.
Jenny.