The inky fluid
rises into the
night sky falling
across the land
like a swarm of
bats - bits of
life sucked dry
by the pierced
life - its only
existence lasts
in a moment of
tears, leather
clad space babies
wither eternally,
on a backdrop of
tears sucked into
darkness, you won't
ever know us - our
system strange -
we are complicated
like the moon and
the stars, for we
dare to ride on
clear twilight
nights, the bloody
death that is our
only passageway,
so celtic knots we
weave - as we walk
through the eternal
network of paths,
never-ending or
beginning, our sores
malignant - for no
melodious sounds do
we hear, just the
beating of our hearts
gasping for each breath,
till all we see is a
bottomless chasm -
where we emerse in our
fears, the chaos of hell
awaits our ultimate return.
Comments
Highhat | July 17, 2011 - 02:42
This is very different. A new style. It certainly describes a nether world. Well done Jenny. I like it- very dramatic and black
;)Pia
skinner_jennifer | July 17, 2011 - 12:23
Hello Pia,
it was nothing really, just words that came into my
head that I felt the need to put down, but thankyou
for your comment.
Jenny.
Silver Spun Sand | July 17, 2011 - 14:25
I like this, Jenny;-) And the layout works well. You used some very original imagery...especially here:-
"existence lasts
in a moment of
tears, leather
clad space babies
wither eternally,
on a backdrop of
tears sucked into
darkness..."
Really did enjoy this.
Tina
skinner_jennifer | July 17, 2011 - 15:20
Hello Tina,
I have written this, in one of my darkest moments,
not really understanding where the words came from,
but that it was the way I was feeling at 1.am in the
morning, with the rain beating down on the windows,
I was feeling so bleak, it was quiet and I just
couldn't sleep, thinking of that lady.
But I'm glad you enjoyed and that you could
understand it, I have to say, I don't really
understand fully what I have written, it's
just a jumble of words.
But thankyou all the same.
Jenny.
skinner_jennifer | July 17, 2011 - 16:17
Thankyou for the cherries, they are very much
appreciated. I have only just found out from
my partner that the lady in question had a fractured
skull and is still in hospital, I really hope she
recovers soon.
Jenny.
maggyvaneijk | July 17, 2011 - 18:10
A very enigmatic piece, dark and mysterious. I'm glad you wrote this!
fatboy74 | July 17, 2011 - 21:07
Definitely one of your best poems Jenny. :-)
skinner_jennifer | July 18, 2011 - 09:27
Hello maggyvaneijk,
I'm amazed at the response to this piece, I didn't
know it was good at all, it goes to prove you can
never tell.
Thankyou for reading and your kind comment.
Jenny.
skinner_jennifer | July 18, 2011 - 09:30
This is really weird for me FB. I cannot believe
that this is one of my best poems, it was just a
jumble of words. It's strange that perhaps I don't
really know what a poem is.
But thankyou for letting me know your thoughts,
I'm pleased that you liked it.
Life is very strange! Hope you have a good week.
Jenny.
the unfolding head | July 18, 2011 - 10:29
really enjoyed reading this Jenny!
the layout is great, adds a wonderful tumbling flow... well done :)
Highhat | July 18, 2011 - 10:43
I think your subconscious has been at work Jenny- you were inspired and this came out of it. Don't wonder too much- it happens. It can only be catagorized as a poem whereas on the other hand the next piece is more prose (as in short story form)- try to google the 2 words and I am sure you will learn something !!
ATB
;)Pia
skinner_jennifer | July 18, 2011 - 11:06
Hi the unfolding head,
I'm glad you liked this piece and that it worked
for you.
Thankyou for reading and letting me know.
Jenny.
skinner_jennifer | July 18, 2011 - 11:10
Hello Pia,
I think you are right about my subconscious working,
very strange!
I will go onto google, although my mind is else
where at the moment, I think you can understand
what I mean. It will take me a while to get over
all this, paticularly as I'm not to good at the
moment. I know you understand.
Jenny.
V.C.Willow | July 20, 2011 - 21:09
Very powerful. Congrats on the Cherries well deserved Jenny. Another great entry.
V.C
skinner_jennifer | July 21, 2011 - 15:08
Hi there V.C.
great to hear from you and thankyou very much for
reading and leaving such a nice comment.
Jenny.
RachelPatricia | July 23, 2011 - 20:48
Only just seen this one now, Jenny - congrats on the cherries! I really enjoyed this one, like the unfolding head said of the 'tumbling flow', it is pretty infectious in this poem and I too loved those lines Tina picked out, 'leather clad space babies wither eternally, on a backdrop of tears sucked into darkness' - what an image! Loved it :)
Rachel xx
skinner_jennifer | July 24, 2011 - 11:11
Hi Rachel,
I'm actually starting to come around to this poem,
especially after the death of Amy Winehouse, it
doesn't seem so strange anymore.
Thankyou for reading and the great comment, it's
good to know that those lines about leather clad
space babies actually worked.
You have been really kind with your comments and I
do really appreciate what you have said.
Thankyou. Hope you're having a good weekend.
Jenny.
seashore | July 24, 2011 - 15:44
Belated congratulations on this superb poem Jenny - it's definitely got the WOW factor. Strange somehow when ideas and words seem to come from the subconscious but great when it happens. I also love the layout. xx
skinner_jennifer | July 24, 2011 - 16:19
Thanks so much coral,
you're definitely right about words coming out of
the subconscious and I really appreciate you reading
and telling me your thoughts.
I'm glad you liked it.
Jenny. xx
insertponceyfre... | July 29, 2011 - 12:26
I just came across this too Jenny and it's fantastic - well done!
skinner_jennifer | July 29, 2011 - 15:01
Thankyou for reading insert and for your comment.
Jenny.
slirpie125 | August 3, 2011 - 19:45
Wow, I just joined this site today, but your writing seems to be the best out of all the people I looked at in just this one day.
It kind of gives me the thought of being swallowed in a tunnel of darkness, with "leather clad space babies" whirring around me, as I pixelate into the nether world...
very inspiring... makes me think about stuff I never though about before. Good job =-)
Savannah
skinner_jennifer | August 3, 2011 - 20:29
Thanks Savannah,
they were kind of crazy words, that it was only
when I look back and read a couple of times, that
I realised that there was something in what I was
writing, but I love your take on this piece.
You have really taken it to another level with
your description and I like it.
Thankyou again for reading and for such a kind
comment, I really appreciate it.
Jenny.