Why don't you be honest
tell me what you think,
instead of humouring me
with shallow words...
that don't mean a thing,
I reach out to try again
my dreams like shadows
moonlight...mystical, above
the solid ground I walk upon,
more like falling into honey
feet sinking - looks misleading.
I came in out of the rain
tears washing over me...
your condescending pat on the
back, for me the romance disappeared
it's gone like a ghost in the night,
first you want me then
you throw me around,
I wash - clean and cook
so why do you do me this way?
your puppet I'll no longer be
I'll make a new life you see,
I want to be me
but you hold the key,
why don't you be honest
just like you promised,
when we first got wed
in our honeymoon bed,
so here I stand now
with energy flowing...
like a million and one volts
entering my very soul,
helping me to be strong
in my fight to carry on,
my body is grounded like
the fresh bread that rises,
I'm lifted to a higher plateau
no longer to sit and wait
those feelings way out of date,
to walk right out that door
suddenly not hard anymore,
I will resolve to embrace
a loving...peaceful new Eden,
find that gentle warm caress,
some light flowing breeze
to put my mind at ease,
somewhere to release the pain
where I can stand proud again,
no more of that raging fear
of this I know is so clear,
to focus on my future dreams,
to go it alone in a place of my own,
I'll dance in translucent chiffon...
fall into anothers soul, get lost in
their embrace, a touch...a kiss upon my face,
when finally I'm a million miles away
your memory will have gone astray,
don't weep for me - or long for me,
for in a waking Eden I will be.
Comments
Silver Spun Sand | September 18, 2011 - 12:33
An impassioned write, this Jenny.
One tiny typo, sixth stanza, should be 'volts', and maybe you mean 'a million and one', perhaps.
You use some original imagery here, which is very effective as illustrated in this stanza:-
"my body is grounded like
the fresh bread that rises,
I'm lifted to a higher plateau
no longer to sit and wait
those feelings way out of date,
to walk right out that door
suddenly not hard anymore,"
I also like the general layout of the poem...the separate stanzas are well-defined, and suit the tone.
More than well done;-)
Tina
animan | September 18, 2011 - 12:39
Yup, bite that apple, babe!
Highhat | September 18, 2011 - 12:42
It must have been difficult to put yourself in someone else's place Jenny but you did it very convincingly. Well done
I like the stanza Tina mentioned as well- a special metaphor.
;)Pia
skinner_jennifer | September 18, 2011 - 12:46
Hi Tina,
I'm so grateful for you reading and telling me
my mistakes. I feel that it wouldn't be right
without your help, what can I say but thankyou,
thankyou, thankyou, you are like a mentor.
It's so good to know you thought the layout was
okay.
Thankyou so much for reading and letting me know
your thoughts, it's always appreciated.
Jenny.
skinner_jennifer | September 18, 2011 - 12:52
Hi there animan,
thanks for reading and the comment, I'll sure bite
that apple.
Jenny.
skinner_jennifer | September 18, 2011 - 12:56
Hi Pia,
sometimes it's not that hard to put myself in
anothers place, with experiences from my past,
it does help.
But this piece came to me just last night, so
I just kind of went with the flow.
I'm really glad you found it convincing, thankyou
for reading and appreciate you letting me know.
Have a peaceful Sunday.
Jenny.
Cavalcaderl | September 18, 2011 - 17:09
new skinner_jennifer
A very good poem, full
of images. Feel most could be
about you. I can certainly identify
most of this. I like the same stanza
as Tina says.
have a good day.
julie xxx
skinner_jennifer | September 18, 2011 - 17:19
Hi julie,
thankyou for reading this piece and I'm glad you
liked it.
It's not about me, but I have known many women in
this predicement from the past.
Thankyou for letting me know your feelings, they
are always appreciated.
Jenny.xxx
maggyvaneijk | September 22, 2011 - 12:52
Passionate, powerful and provocative. An excellent piece Jenny!
skinner_jennifer | September 22, 2011 - 14:25
Hi there maggy,
what a wonderful description, 'passionate, powerful
and provocative.' I really liked that.
Thankyou so much for reading and letting me know
your thoughts, much appreciated.
Jenny.
sue dinum | September 22, 2011 - 19:26
Yes, I agree with Julie, full of lovely imagery. Love the way you tell stories with your poems, Jen. Well done!
sue
skinner_jennifer | September 23, 2011 - 08:34
Thankyou for reading this piece sue and glad you
could pick up on the story within the poem.
Have a great weekend.
Jenny.