The Budgie Man (IP)

So I work in the lost
property office, see?
There's no knowing what
people will hand in

next. One day I got a
budgie in a cage and I
said we don't take no
animals on account of

the diseases and having
to feed them like it's the
rules and he said it was
okay because the budgie

was dead and I said it
was unhygienical and he
said well what should I
do with it and I said

that's not my problem
I only work here and I
got to abide by the rules
and he said he'd just

put it back where he found
it then and I said that's
littering with a hundred
pound fine and he'd have

to take it home. Then he
said I was a jobsworth and
I looked in my book to see
if that was language

because if they do language
at you you can just close
the shutters and call the
supervisor but I couldn't

see it in the book so maybe
it wasn't language. In the
end he went home and left
me with today's takings which

were a pair of spectacles,
a wallet and a watch. I got
all excited and rubbed them
on my testicles and the

supervisor caught me and
gave me the sack so I caught
up with the budgie man and
we threw the cage at the

supervisor's hut only we took
the budgie out first and
posted it through the window.
He came out and told me to

fine the budgie man and I said
I don't work here any more so
stick that budgie where the sun
don't shine. Now I got a job as

a policeman and I wish I'd got
the budgie man's address so I
could fine him after all. I'll
catch up with him one day.