We begin with application.
Relearn your body
– the forgotten spaces:
eyelids, backs of knees,
the feet. Pay special care
to scars and any intradermal
protrudences. Go beneath
straplines and waistbands.
When picking your spot,
look for a balance of elements.
Always show respect
to those wearing lower factors
than you. Always check down-wind
before shaking out your towel.
Lie back. Let the sand
make a duplicate of your spine:
you are becoming it,
and it is becoming you.
Match your breath to the sea.
Rising falling rising falling.
Clear away all thoughts,
now that wasn’t so tough.
If you break sweat
you’re trying too hard.
Listen to the tightening skin.
Let your body do the thinking.
On the backs of your eyelids,
you will likely see your childhood
sweetheart in flames, flailing around,
dowsed in gasoline.
This is natural. Let them dance.
You deepen by the hour.
Comments
Sooz006 | February 28, 2008 - 17:25
First poem I've read today that rises above the 'okay' marker. Loved this, thought it was clever and well written.
rokkitnite | February 28, 2008 - 20:54
I also think this poem is above the 'okay' marker. Also above 'good'. Comfortably in the 'very good' and higher category for me. Some lines that evoked the poetry nod:
'Always show respect
to those wearing lower factors
than you. Always check down-wind
before shaking out your towel.'
'Let the sand
make a duplicate of your spine:'
'Clear away all thoughts,
now that wasn’t so tough.'
The whole last stanza. Look, basically, this is awesome. Lovely cadences. I very strongly want to play the 'richly evocative' card here. Bang! There. I've played it.
Dendrite | February 28, 2008 - 22:49
Yea, the waterline for this poem is above the excellent mark, where it usually goes with spack and rokkitnite. I still picture Hemingway with skis across his back like a crucifix.
mcmanaman | February 29, 2008 - 12:12
Lots of classic Spack lines.
I like 'dowsed in gasoline' and
'match your breath to the sea'
blackjack-davey | February 29, 2008 - 12:15
Have all the markers been taken? A Zen guide to sunbathing. Moving and hypnotic, especially the 'sweethearts...in gasoline...' The poem has replicated in my body's breathing the effect of the beach, the banal midsummer heat. I can hear surf from the window.
spack | February 29, 2008 - 14:50
Thanks for the very kind comments, one and all.
I'm pleased with this.
J
Norm_Clifford | March 6, 2008 - 19:36
GOOD ONE.......Norm