This is such a crass draft.
So, any suggestions would be gratefully, gratefully received.
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Comments
Ewan | February 23, 2009 - 09:19
Hi,
I think this is pretty special for a 'crass draft'. The only phrase I found even slightly infelicitous was 'explanation extensions'
You might want to play around with 'exculpatory exegesis(thanks Chuck)' or some kind of variation on that and what you have.
Topical and tart. I liked it already
Ewan
AKT | February 23, 2009 - 11:33
It's exactly like a cheap tacky advert.
I certainly can't think of any suggestions to improve it.
Yeah it's crass, but in the same way that what it's portraying is. It's ugly and vulgar. It's an advert.
I think you've captured it really well.
tcook | February 24, 2009 - 10:35
It is crass - and that's what's needed. Maybe it could become more crass - really go for that appalling corporate non-speak language. I think it's very good as it is but you could try just going for it and see what comes out.
Leonie | March 9, 2009 - 22:04
yep, i agree with tcook. make it vile. then play with the form and stucture to make it span-beautiful