When I Become a Little Girl

Excellent Stefano. There is definitely something about knickers. I can't quite put my finger on it. Well OK sometimes I can but you know what I mean.

This is great. This is timeless. Smashing poem Val

At last Stefano, a poem of yours I sort of understand... I just can't put my finger on why.

I've never met a girl who pisses out of her nose, but I've met plenty who shit out of their mouth.

Good poem.

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I can only say 'ditto' to what has already been said - with knobs on:-)

Brilliant poem.

Tina

These lines are hilarious:

'I will tell him that
girls pee through their noses
and he will believe me.'

Although I feel you repeat the 'not quite knowing why' a little too often.

And Macjoyce - I find that comment offensive and not remotely funny. Bitter and jaded so publicly is rather sad.

Thank you all for your kind comments. This poem is dedicated to Susan Hillsden who once showed me hers in her garage. Thank you Susan for one of life's uncelebrated rites of passage!

Jennifer - I think you're right about the repetition. I must remember to read my work before posting... Oh, and don't worry about Macjoyce - the loutish comments hide a sensitive soul.

soooper, gentle humour, making a good point, 'without quite knowing why' is a repeating reappearing notion best acknowledged every now and then in a funny old life - less likely to become an arrogant nasty piece of work, if one doesn't lose a childlike wondering and curiosity which comes across well in your poem, witty ditty, especially enjoyed

I will wonder how he manages
to pull up his pants
with all that surplus material
to accommodate.
(I will have a good
vocabulary for my age,
and better than average
sentence construction.)

good smiles, cheers.

Jennifer - you are obviously a middle class liberal with no sense of humour, so you can automatically fuck off.

www.myspace.com/norwichfacetransplant

PS No, I'm not sensitive in the slightest. I'd like to see the entire middle class lined up and shot.

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Well I don't know about that Macjoyce. I'd suggest you show a certain sensitivity to the poor downtrodden working class. Or is the upper class you represent?

Well, my class loyalties are stronger than any other loyalties I have, yes, and I will defend the working class to my last breath from the attacks of stuck-up, self-righteous, cold-hearted, unempathic, arrogant, narrow-minded, prissy, bourgeois twats.

But I have to admit there are a lot of working class people I hate too, usually ignorant chavs. I think I hate most of humanity.

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You think the British working class can't be arrogant, bourgeois twats? Pop down to the Costa del Sol sometime mate...you'll love it.

I agree that the world is full of bad people, that they conveniently come together in recognisable groups, and that the world would be improved by elimination of such groups. But aren't we after the wrong people here? Isn't it niggers and Jews we should dispose of?

Here watch it FTSE. Some of my best friends are niggers and Jews.

The holocaust taught us that Nazis shouldn't be rotten to Jews, but it had nothing to say about Macjoyces and middle classes. That's entirely different. Isn't it?

Well yes and no. That's the trouble with these narrow definitions I find. Nobody seems to fit the mold. Maybe we're all middle class since New Labour got in.

Watch it FTSE. Some of my best friends are Macjoyces and middle classes.

I know Macjoyce is a sensitive soul, I've seen him weeping inconsolably over a flower with a broken petal. Just let him deny it.

You some kind of Macjoyce-lover, then? I've got some good stuff to throw at you.

If somebody has an education you have to wonder why they're digging or carrying or hammering for a living. But maybe Macjoyce has some definition of 'working class' that bypasses the actual work?

Not everyone who goes to university wants a career. My job does involve a fair amount of carrying. It's not a problem for me. Also, 'working class' involves your upbringing and how this has shaped you into the person you are.

At university I was open-minded towards middle-class people and befriended many of them. I'm not friends with them anymore, because too many of them are like Jennifer.

There are probably a few middle class people around who are human, but in my experience most of them are just cunts.

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This must be Cunts Corner, a weird little ABC petting zoo where all the mangy, yapping animals lick each others genitals. Over there's Macjoyce -- an aggro-cunt, short with a high-pitched voice bragging about his UEA mates -- and there stroking his buzz-cut is Stefano a sycophantic, half-literate cunt who thinks poetry involves:

I am Stefano
I am most probably a poet
Who uses line breaks to make
Banal prose look important
I will most probably do a wee wee out of my nose
Not knowing why my poetry
Will ever be published

Are you sure it's the middle classes who are cunts and not just people in general? If you want to go after the cunt classes I'm with you all the way. But how do you identify them except on a one-by-one basis? In my experience there's an identical proportion of cunts in any class or group you like to name, and an identical proportion of decent people. (Not 'decent' in the Daily Mail sense, but in the non-cunt sense.)

Cunts' Corner? Well, I'm sure I qualify to be posting here. From your tone, BJD, it would seem you feel you do not, and yet here you are! Who'da thunk it?

BJD is just a little boy, Ewan. One feels he will have a hard enough life already without setting Macjoyce on him.