II

Why is it so hard for me to be patriotic?
After all
I'm supporting the War against terrorism in Afghanistan.
It's just hard to watch bombing after bombing on TV
and cheer
or salute especially when
the bombings are done during the night.
What matters is that something is being done.
The terrorists will soon be destroyed.
Again, why don't I feel like an American?
After the devastation of the Trade Towers,
I tried to internalize the pain and the sorrow.
I was trying desperately to find a national identity.
People in general did not seem to care.
They just wanted vengeance.
The buildings fell, one floor after the other,
like strands of hairy waters,
falling,
a dust cloud flowered.
I thought about why I hated the WASPS.
I had been so envious of them.
They just looked so terribly right.
So they looked down on me.
They were the winners of WWII.
They were a part of the Anglo-American empire
which was the nicest empire so far?
So they would rather live amongst themselves
and heal their wounds, unclothe
their illusions. Why did I
so desperately want to be a part of their culture?
Why did I hate Americans? Was it
because
they made me feel so neutered?
Maybe I was dangerous?
Maybe I was short, cute, and malleable?
Maybe I was naive.
Anyhow, I found that I was being immature.
But there is something in me
that was deeply offended.
I was waiting
for the climatic moment
when the US would serve Osama Bin Laden
on a platter. Then,
they began to annnounce the War on Iraq.
They had decided that Osama was not worth it.
He was just a terrorist. He would not conduct
any other acts of terror.
How could he, knowing that
it would complete his destruction?
They had bigger fish to fry, fish
that would enforce the order
in the Middle East.
His father had wanted to
destroy Saddam Hussein but refrained
when political advice came, perhaps
the favor was returned.