Black and Blue

Hi Sunday. Not much of an expert myself in different poetic styles but might 'forever too' fit the last line better?

Cheers for the feedback, Jupiter.
I do rather want to end each part on 'forevermore'.
I need to come back to it and see how it reads a bit later, I think.
Thanks again.

How about 2nd line to include : broke my jaw?

Ah! I see now! You have switched the rhyme from 2-4 to 2-3 - sorry not a technique I'm familiar with. Look forward to seeing where you end up with it though :-)

Very reminiscent of Mr Poe ;) And ooo ice blue eyes, love it - makes me think of Daniel Craig! *swoons*

Magic xxx

Is there no end to your knowledge Magic ;-) lol
I wish I had a little plug in to teach me all of these styles without having to do the work myself ;-)

Thanks Magic!