Black Ribbons and Lace

Sorry- punctuation does my head in- any advice?
Are the commas necessary after 'knees' and 'lace'?
Cheers.

They are fine according to Fowler. It is a parenthetic use, so you could enclose the phrase in dashes, which would mean a longer pause. Read it out loud to decide.

And don't be so rude! LOL

Ewan

All good,maybe look at what Ewan said about the dashes for pause but overall good

Thank you, Ewan. Lol.

Thanks pinda :)

Punctuation? How about heavy breathing instead?

Says an awful lot in 4 short lines....is it hot in hear, or is it just me ;)
Great stuff!

Chris

It's just you Chris ;) Just kidding - yes very steamy poem - by rights shouldn't actually be reading this! But love the minimalist approach as always.

Magic xxx

Lol Chuck. Yes, indeed. Sod punctuation :p

threeleafshamrock, great to have your feedback- thanks so much :)

Magic- I am so glad you liked this poem- means a lot to me :)

I love this!
You are a real master of word choice. The use of 'disgrace' adds a whole extra dimension to the poem.
Really powerful. Well done.

Great final line - Given it's power and implicit intent, I'm not even sure you need the third line but for the rhythm it provides.

Thanks, Sikander, for your very encouraging comment.
I'm really delighted that you liked it so much :)

Sunshine: thanks very much for your feedback :)

later thoughts - this line could be one amongst many others. .... I feel there could be a story to tell from it. Think of the wonderful Narrative in Cohen's Chelsea Hotel. Who would have imagined that a reference to oral sex could be as beautiful as he made it?

Dearest Child: What a treat!

Grazie mille :)

Thanks for the pretty cherry, abctales :)

Late to the party but boy, what a party LOL Very salacious but over too quickly. Well done. :)