I wish I understood
Sometimes,
What it is that makes me cry
When you have left-
Looking at the reminders of the day;
Discarded newspapers and a bottle of wine,
Half empty,
By the clock.
I wish I understood you better,
What it is that makes me love you,
What it is that makes me sad.
It's a fine line- love, memories;
They are dangerous beauties,
Secrets in my head;
I can't find the words,
But I know they are bittersweet.
Comments
MistakenMagic | July 6, 2009 - 17:20
A very honest poem Sundayschild, seems like a conversation with one's self which really works! Love the last line, I'd love to see more of these 'ancient poems'.
Magic xxx
Silver Spun Sand | July 6, 2009 - 18:01
"...Secrets in my head;
I can't find the words..."
I think you found the words very successfully, Sundayschild.
As Magic says, there is such an air of honesty about this and it is that which makes it most appealing.
Tina x
whiskey | July 6, 2009 - 18:13
Lovely first stanza with its strong imagery -
Discarded newspapers and a bottle of wine,
Half empty,
By the clock.
Personally, I feel that some strong imagery is needed in the second stanza too to balance the poem. I'd like to 'see' those 'dangerous beauties' (great phrase, by the way!).
A good piece for a 15-year-old, that's for sure. :-)
sarah wilson | July 6, 2009 - 18:22
Deceptively simple - a lovely poem:) sarah x
InspiredWriter | July 6, 2009 - 18:45
Great, perfect, i love it, well done and definitely not weak.
Amazing strong emotions for a 15 year old.
threeleafshamrock | July 7, 2009 - 11:22
Crikey! Wish I had some ancient poems like this; bloody brilliant, I love it...MORE PLEASE!
Chris ;)
SundaysChild | July 8, 2009 - 13:32
Thanks so much guys.
It is a very honest poem that is true.
These comments have made me feel confident that it is certainly worth keeping!