Eternal

This is nice Sunday... but I'd like to know more about the sea. Is it gently lapping the sand or roaring to shore booming its exhuberance?

Yeah, I'd like to know more about the sea as well. I don't think you should say 'so liquid'. Too obvious.

Great final two lines. Very sweet indeed.

Good to hear your views. I take on board what you are saying about 'liquid', NaziWifebeater. I suppose I was trying to focus more on the love than the sea; that the sea take a back seat to the love- but perhaps I could add more there. I do like this poem, I guess its very personal.
Many thanks.

i like the poem as it is, but you do have an opportunity to use the sea in the background to solidify the tone and also as a metaphor for love. and while i could buy love being liquid and absolute...it may be more 'poetic' to look at "soothing" or "boundless" or something better than these...

jason

Great comments. Thanks 222. I do quite like this poem as it is, but have taken on board feedback here.

This is pure and lovely - gave me some nice soul ripples when reading it.

I feel "the tears stay behind our eyes" line expresses the state of the sea and the weather and the mood at the time - therefore no need to inform further on the sea's condition.

No need to muddy already clear waters. Great work :)

Yes, you're right David!

Where are you Sunday?
Are you okay?

ScoZen
SundaysChild, a hello to you.
Poignant but did I enjoyed this.
I live near to a beach and this just fits the picture

"...Tears stay behind our eyes, Whilst the seagulls shriek above..."

I often see people crying as they walk the beach.
They blame sand in their eyes.
Take care