Would I turn back the clock with it’s
tick tock tease and the dull weight
of squandered days and opportunity?
Was the fascination of our youth
truly lost in wasted tears and
bewilderment of our desires?
And were those later, stolen nights
mere impostors playing with our hearts
and to our ragged, fading dreams?
Now, your warm voice has grown familiar
while our conversation drifts, and you
talk of weary limbs and journey’s end.
But I recall a sweet conspiracy
that once was based on passion.
Have we abandoned all love’s pleasures
or have they capriciously abandoned us?
Comments
Beeme | August 19, 2009 - 15:54
I really enjoyed this Sunshine. The last lines of the poem are perfect :-)
I especially liked these lines;
'And were those later, stolen days
mere impostors playing with our hearts
and to our ragged, fading dreams?'
Beeme xx
girlbear | August 19, 2009 - 17:31
I also really enjoyed this, you managed to fit in an awful lot of food for though into just two stanzas! It was both a philosophical and intriguing read.
sunshine | August 19, 2009 - 17:49
Thank you Bee and Gbear, glad you enjoyed. I'm a great believer in being economical with words - less can be more! Margot
Silver Spun Sand | August 19, 2009 - 20:28
"But I recall a sweet conspiracy
that once was based on passion."
How much I identify with these words, Margot.
A gem - as always.
Tina
Nathan Bednarek | August 19, 2009 - 21:48
'But I recall a sweet conspiracy
that once was based on passion.
Have we abandoned all love’s pleasures
or have they capriciously abandoned us?'
I love the last four lines and the whole poem is of course very effective and beautiful. I have a great amount of respect for your work ;-)
I have one suggestion though. It may sound a bit pedantic, but wouldn't a poem sound better if the lines didn't end with word like 'of', 'and', etc? It depends on the poem of course, but I found that a poem flows more smoothly when the lines don't end with such words. Just a tip. Feel free to ignore it completely ;-)
Again, a wonderful poem. More please!
Nathan.
Cavalcaderl | August 20, 2009 - 08:30
new Sunshine
Beautifully done!
sometimes when look back
can be good or bad.
so if clock stops!
can be someone's
died sometimes!
It has to be re- wound
or time stands still.
julie x cavalcader
sunshine | August 20, 2009 - 14:40
Thank you as always for your lovely comment Tina. I hoped that any of us old enough to have a 'history' would know exactly what I meant. Margot
sunshine | August 20, 2009 - 14:42
Thank you for your generous and lovely comment Nathan. I understand your grammatical (?) point - for me it's question of where to pause and draw breath or give emphasis. I don't think this is uncommon and I've got away with it before! But food for thought. Thank you. Margot
sunshine | August 20, 2009 - 14:42
Thank you for your generous and lovely comment Nathan. I understand your grammatical (?) point - for me it's question of where to pause and draw breath or give emphasis. I don't think this is uncommon and I've got away with it before! But food for thought. Thank you. Margot
sunshine | August 20, 2009 - 14:43
Nicely put Julie. Thank you for stopping by and commenting. Margot
Cavalcaderl | August 20, 2009 - 19:22
new sunshine
well done on cherry.
liked all of it.
sometimes it seems forgive
if wrong but more comments
good or bad then one gets
a cherry good.
julie xx (:- maybe I am to
observant?