he pushed open the doors
which for so long had been sealed tight
against the tide of days
he wandered through her shuttered rooms
following the lines of indecision
and fractured conversation
dark walls were painted thick
with memories of past horrors and
questions which had tormented her
were etched deep in the flaking plaster
the time for answers had come and gone
scattered fragments of a mirror
perjured the years of silence which had
stretched between them
the mark of tears in the dust
gave testimony to wounds
now deeply scarred
he threw open the windows and light
spilled onto a bed stained by imagined bliss
and the ignorance
which she had called trust
Comments
jennifer | June 9, 2009 - 14:56
Love the imagery in this, but not sure about the last line - it feels extra, what do you think?
J x
Silver Spun Sand | June 9, 2009 - 17:52
Well, I didn't read it 'before' but I sure admire it 'after'. Brilliant imagery, as Jennifer says. A much savoured poem.
Tina
Silver Spun Sand | June 9, 2009 - 17:56
Just popped back to say many congrats on the well-deserved cherry;-)
chuck | June 9, 2009 - 19:01
I missed the change too. It certainly works nicely the way it is.
sarah wilson | June 9, 2009 - 19:32
Lovely poem. congrats on the cherry:)
Cavalcaderl | June 9, 2009 - 19:56
Very well done and the cherry, I love the verse Scattered fragments perjured years of silence? Reminds of the mirror cracked from side to side and she rode down to camelot, " The Lady of Shalot" Im new to all this, oldie trying.c x
pumadelta | June 9, 2009 - 20:32
Love this poem full of deep intetention and provocative imagery...well done on the cherry...
Puma
sunshine | June 9, 2009 - 20:36
Thanks so much everyone for the positive comments, and Ewen for the cherry. I reeeeally value this as I fought with this poem - it's kind of, no it IS, autobiographical ......about something very very painful which happened a very very very long time ago, and here rolled up with a more recent event which helped me deal with it. I guess that's why I was being precious about the (now deleted) last line. I was trying to spell out the ending too clearly. Thanks again everyone. I can see why you've made the link to Lady of Shalot, now you've pointed it out Cavalcaderi. And as to being new to this - there's plenty of us oldies having a go here! Margot
sunshine | June 9, 2009 - 21:50
Thanks Jennifer - it's now gone and better for it. That was just one of the things I've not been certain of and I'd gradually cut it back to this line from around 6 lines, yet still hung on to this one. No idea why! It really helps to see things as others do. Margot
DraxB | June 10, 2009 - 14:13
very dark but then, literally, there's light at the end. Another well earned cherry.
mariaduffy | June 10, 2009 - 16:49
THis is such a deep poem, but full of meaning. The imagery is excellent and you've really dragged us into the person's mind. If it's autobiographical, you've done a wonderful job in portraying the feelings and if it's not, you've done an amazing job in making it believeable. Wonderful free verse yet again. Maria x
Dynamaso | June 11, 2009 - 01:08
What I most like about this, aside from the excellent imagery (the stanza starting with 'scattered fragments of a mirror...' is my favourite) is the lack of puntuation or capitals. Makes the piece feel like it is whispered to the reader.
sunshine | June 11, 2009 - 18:12
thank you Drax - there should always be light.
sunshine | June 11, 2009 - 18:12
many thanks for your lovely comment Maria
sunshine | June 11, 2009 - 18:14
Mark you win the prize! It was indeed meant to be like a whisper, a confidence hesitantly shared, or memory reluctantly exposed. Margot