Fading.

As each season drifts aimlessly into the next, with no change in my predicament, I sense time drifting by as I stand still,misplaced with my concept of the world and all it's madness. I identify myself as the actor in an ill fitting role.

Randomly selecting faces, I discreetly steal a glimpse studying their indifference and in awe wonder why I feel so alone,so detached.
Like an alien form,I sense an awkward diversity to my peers.
It's far from a subconcious desire to be singled out.
I crave to master how to just be.
How to just be by not thinking how I should be,or what others expect me to be,just to switch off and realise that they are more than likely oblivious to the extreme conflicts errupting in my head.
So lonely, enclosed in my shadow of doubt.
How to simply function without my analytical overdrive preventing me from taking life in my stride.
Sometimes when I observe my ambient and the beings surrounding me,I feel sharp pangs of envy and loathe myself and these sensibilities that eat me alive from the inside.
I scarcely record a time when I was at peace with myself,
metamorphosis has occured amplifying each and every move I make.
I fail to re-trace my steps back to normality and I,so aware that I'm fading like a sunset yet helpless with my antics to curb my internal rollercoaster.
Once,so vibrant brimming with spontaneity.
Now,like a solitary goat on a mountain-side I wander aimlessly stumbling,bewildered,blindfolded by my insecure traits which fail to illuminate what path to follow.
I'm sure I have once ventured my destined path yet lack of consistency has thrown me off balance.
Time the great healer,how long must one wait?
Trust is all I cling to,yet as it's fading,what awaits?