We don't recognise that sound,
but we feel the fear in the air,
of the people who once came here,
this place is empty.
Cold, Dusty and not yet done,
We hide behind the tears,
hoping that something good will come,
but this place is empty.
I don't know what we have done,
if we will make it through the night,
if i will lose another loved one,
if in the morning you'll be gone.
Cold, Dusty, Done.
Comments
TheSecretGirl | October 21, 2010 - 23:45
I'd really appreciate feedback, if you could spare a minute, many thanks.
TheSecretGirl
insertponceyfre... | October 22, 2010 - 14:23
I really like this secretgirl. I like the bleak hopelessness of it, and the tone of resignation. In line 10 you have a typo - it should be through
Curse of 222 | October 23, 2010 - 00:11
it reads well and you've done a good job of creating the atmosphere. i feel like it could use at least one more stanza, though. something to take us from "not yet done" to "almost done" to "done."
jason
TheSecretGirl | October 25, 2010 - 23:04
Hi, thank you for the correction i swear i'm Dyslexic.
TheSecretGirl | October 25, 2010 - 23:05
Hi Jason thankyou for your feedback i'll try wrok on another stanza.