Antony and Cleopatra I.P.

Tony and Cleo were at it like dogs
in Ass's milk up to their tits.
When poor old Fulvia just popped her clogs
Tony wasn't exactly in bits
He went back to Rome and had a few beers
with Caesar and some of the men;
married Octavia and midst all the cheers
fucked off to Egypt again.

Cleo was steaming – and we're talking 'mad'
that Tony had found a new wife.
And so spread the rumor, that she'd been so sad,
that she'd blown her brains out with a knife.
Tony was stricken and fell on his sword;
life wasn't worth living, he said
so no wonder he was, just a bit over awed
when Cleo, walked in, quite undead.

She screamed; Oh don't die (which was a bit thick)
seeing as how Tony, the prat
had opened himself, from gullet to prick
with a gash, like an elephant's twat.
Well, Cleo, she howled and went to the bar
as any true lover, would do;
she ordered two Asps, which she stuffed in her bra
and a third, that she stuck in her shoe.

As she fell dying, the servants rushed 'round
determined to suck venom out
they argued about, which tit was their mound
and her foot was forgotten about.
The lovers were dead and a tragedy born
and their story, still doth abide.
And Will tells how Caesar – without any scorn -
ordered; they be interred, side by side.