http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2637/3827647244_cabbcdb384_m.jpg
They came to the lake at summer’s eve,
we watched them, necks extended;
our hands; canopies against the sun.
You pulled a handkerchief from your sleeve
and waved as they descended,
their long excursion done.
We watched all through the early days
and the courtiers slavish preening.
You were my queen and ordered my love;
Impressed by your subjects mad displays,
two hearts were soon convening
and became one heart thereof.
Comments
hilary west | August 24, 2009 - 20:47
Very pithy.
threeleafshamrock | August 24, 2009 - 21:03
He was her 'Sir Lovealot'...what can I say..;)
MistakenMagic | August 26, 2009 - 09:30
'They came to the lake at summer’s eve,
we watched them, necks extended;
our hands; canopies against the sun.'
- gorgeous first few lines Chris! A brilliant poem ;)
Magic xxx
Ewan | August 26, 2009 - 09:36
Hi Chris,
have a think about 'macho': does it fit with the rest of the language of the poem?
Ewan
threeleafshamrock | August 26, 2009 - 22:57
No Ewan it doesn't; changed it to slavish (also thought of servile). Wasn't really happy with second stanza on reading and nearly cut it out completely.
Thanks for that, I hadn't the time to come back to it.
threeleafshamrock | August 27, 2009 - 07:28
Thanks Magic ;)
threeleafshamrock | August 27, 2009 - 15:27
Wow, thanks for the cherry folks; going out to buy a lottery ticket now ;)
sunshine | August 29, 2009 - 19:10
is the 2nd stanza here the one you reffered to above? If so you were right to keep it in. Good stuff. Hope you have the same degree of success with the lottery ticket. M
sarah wilson | August 30, 2009 - 15:55
Fantastic. You have been writing brilliantly while I have been away Chris. Nice cherry:)
sarah x
threeleafshamrock | August 30, 2009 - 16:07
Thanks Sarah; didn't expect a cherry for this one - didn't think it was good enough. Just goes to show... ;)