Musn't Grumble!

I met an old mate yesterday;
said, 'how you been mate, you OK?
He said, 'I s'pose you'd have to say
that I could be lots worse

you know I've got a dodgy back
and 'course, there was the heart attack,
I've got a boil, right up me crack
which really is a curse.

Me dog got flattened by a truck
if that wasn't enough bad luck?
I caught me wife trying to fuck
my mate on the settee

I wouldn't mind but there is more;
seems she's been working as a whore,
now my knob's all swelled and sore,
I've got an S.T.D.

I had to tell this bird I know
cos I'd been giving her a go
I told her it spread from my toe;
of course she had a strop.

She threw a wobbler, had a fit
I told her, she was full of shit
and she could kiss my manly tit
turns out she was a cop

I suffer flatulence as well
and when I fart, the fucking smell!
If I could bottle it, I'd sell
to the scientific.

It's not fair but I suppose,
that's just the way the story goes.
Despite the aches and pains and woes
I'm feeling terrific!