Pub Banter! (East End Style)

“’ere young fella”
“Yes Granddad!”
“I aintchya Granddad”
“I aintchya Young fella”
“Cheeky little bugger”
“Grumpy old git”
“Where was you, when manners was handed out?”
“Round the corner, having a fag. Where was you?”
“Round the other one, shagging your Mum; there was a queue!”
“Oh! Very nice! Maybe I should call you Dad then.”
“Not unless your name is Houdini.”
“Do you want some thing?”
“Yea, gimme a loaf o’ bread and a pound o’ tea.”
“This is a pub!”
“In that case, I’ll settle for a pint of watery bitter in a dirty glass.”
“We don’t ‘ave watery beer or dirty glasses.”
“You did last night!”
“You some kinda comedian?”
“Yea; the thirsty kind.”
“Actually, I thought you sounded a bit dry.”
“Really? Well, there ya go; I thought you sounded a bit stupid;
Looks like we was both right.”
“Cor blimey, I give up!”
“So did Hitler, only he had the decency to shoot himself.”
“You wanna pint, or what?”
“Yea, please, if I can get it before closing time.”
“That’ll be two-twenty.”
“Robbery!”
“Charity!”
“Piss orf!”
“Have a nice day.”