My twelve inch dick is quite a chore
my girlfriend never screeches ‘More!’
Without the gel, it gets quite sore -
like, every time I use it.
I don’t know how it came to be
My cock grew like a small oak tree;
it hangs down to my bloody knee
I’d love sometimes to lose it!
Sometimes at night it makes me shriek
if I must pop out for a leak;
the water’s cold, I feel a freak
and quickly elevate it
My girlfriend once started to shake
while in the garden with a rake;
she thought it was a bloody snake
and now it’s perforated
So all you guys that pray to God
for a mickey like a cattle prod,
that you could carry in a hod;
be careful what you wish for
For you could end up like I am,
subject of every hidden cam;
just good for ‘Wham, Bam thank you Mam.’
or a career in hardcore.
Comments
threeleafshamrock | July 28, 2009 - 11:14
Don't ask if this is autobiographical; I'm too modest to answer truthfully ;)
Wish I could have worked 'Spatula' in here somehow lol.
sarah wilson | July 28, 2009 - 12:14
A beautifully crafted, sensitive and haunting piece of work Chris - NOT! Loved it all the same:)
threeleafshamrock | July 28, 2009 - 12:22
Jeez sarah lol, when I started reading your comment, I thought that I was on the wrong page or that you had been at the bottle ha-ha; glad you loved it so! ;)
chuck | July 28, 2009 - 13:26
I agree with Sarah. Sorry if this sounds sexist but far too little is being done for men with this problem.
threeleafshamrock | July 28, 2009 - 15:11
I agree chuck but it's out of my hands...well, in a manner of speaking..Ah-emm!
chuck | July 28, 2009 - 15:49
I think my trouble started when I got an email about enlargement. I'm sure they were just trying to be helpful but it's become embarrassing. Some girls even gasp and make jokes about horses.
threeleafshamrock | July 28, 2009 - 17:11
I know! It's so unfair; I got banned from the local swimming baths and I was really enjoying the water-aerobics classes.
I burned my skin-tight speedos briefs outside the door in protest...then went and got changed, vowing never to return.
chuck | July 28, 2009 - 17:43
Speedos! You're a brave man. I have to have shorts specially made with an extra pocket.
threeleafshamrock | July 28, 2009 - 18:18
Ha! You obviously haven't discovered 'Indian Rubber'. My mother-out-law just happened to have a spare pair of her corset 'gatheralls' (Wonderwoman used to wear them - they looked a lot better on her; Wonderwoman that is). They can become a little sweaty but you wouldn't get a flea's dick up the leg of them - or the wearer's down either.
I have now moved from bass to alto in the local choir and toilet breaks are planned well in advance; a small price to pay and there is a great looking bird in the alto section...
chuck | July 28, 2009 - 18:25
Ouch. You must be religious. I'm still the hang loose type. My days in California.
threeleafshamrock | July 28, 2009 - 18:29
My old girlfriend used to think that I was Jewish;
she said I was very tight on our first date. I said that I definitely couldn't accuse her of that...which was rather unusual for me, Ahemm!
pinda | July 28, 2009 - 19:08
lol "My twelve inch dick is quite a chore
my girlfriend never screeches ‘More!’
Without the gel, it gets quite sore "
In someway Chris, I rekon this doesn't belong to Humorous Ramblings. Lol this is a different breed of work.
Very funny though.
threeleafshamrock | July 28, 2009 - 19:10
Know what you mean Pin but there ain't no hardcore section here lol. Thanks for reading. ;)
chuck | July 28, 2009 - 19:42
Anything to do with sex is bedroom farce to me these days.
threeleafshamrock | July 28, 2009 - 20:20
I know what you mean...not so much s.e.x. as s.f.x and more fiction than science