When I was young

When I was young and had no sense;
when Levis kept my bum cheeks tense.
When I went Skinhead for the girls
and mum, she mourned my lovely curls.
When Playtex got blokes in a state,
with bras too lift and separate.
And what was once all round and soft
became two mountains, held aloft.
When ladies stockings, came in pairs,
with ladders; we called 'Heaven's stairs'.
No gussets for a fumbling fool
that left you freezing off your tool.
And if, asked nicely, she'd say yup,
then you could shag her standing up.
When girls wore skirts or well flared dress
and flowery knickers to impress;
and getting at her private bits
was easy...well except her tits;
with Playtex, you could never tell,
if it was flesh or socks as well.

Nowadays, you've got no chance
of a quick shag, after the dance.
With skinny jeans or Lycra top,
you'd have your circulation stop
if you started to mess around
and cop a feel of 'up' or 'down'.
It's really hard, to perform true,
when your hand is turning blue.
It's not just lads that I feel for,
the girls are slaves to fashions law.
I just don't know how they can hack
those thongs a yard up, in their crack.
And you'd need to be mad or pissed
or some kind of a masochist,
to don Ski pants then calmly watch,
the summers sun just melt your crotch.
I'm glad that I was born back whence,
the world was young and had no sense.