Canned Wizecrax

WARNING!!

“Abstaining from smoking cigarettes has a 100% mortality rate.

ROULETTE

“Winners know when to stop. Winners never quit. Quitters never win.

SMOKE IT UP!

Winstin’ plains “I don’t give a damn I’m a wasted man.”

New Satin-Vogue Zakspeed E-ciggies “After action satisfaction.”

CREATIVE EXCUSES

“Sorry about your new carpet I couldn’t make it to the white steering wheel.

“I was sick last night I’m sorry Fudd I didn’t know your Mercedes was parked under the balcony.

“Pity about the hole in your luxury duvet I had to have the last smoke.

“Sorry man I crashed into your car I was lighting a cigarette.

“Couldn’t chew your steak it was stupid to try and swallow the thing whole sorry about the embarrassment. Lucky I survived. Imagine the bad publicity:

MR BROWN CHOKES ON HIS
LAST STEAK AT GREENTREES

“Sorry about the TV. I just was cleaning my revolver.

CAMPUS

“In three decades of lecturing engineering classes I found always that the scum of the class rises to the top.
“So does the cream!

“Do you see the man with the testicles? He’s the rectum of our university.

MIKE …

Comes out the bathroom,
“Dad you got your jocks wrong way round and inside out.
“Brilliant my boy! How did you know?
“The skid marks are in front.

“Sorry dad I’ve bad news dad I’m pregnant!
“Calm down my girl, are you quite sure that it is your child?

DISTRICT SURGEON

Do you drink? “Just tea for me thanks

“A bit early in the morning but let’s make it just a quick double.

“Silence! Will there be Silence!

“Do you hear voices?

“You don’t?

ODDS & ENDS

With two helicopters overhead Farmer Steyn rushed in from the darkening storm building up outside: “Wife we are in for one hell of a wind even the windmills are blowing away.

Two goofed beatnix walk along the road, a fighter jet coming over low bursts into flames “Hey dude! Dig that crazy pop-up toaster!”

Your new neighbours,

First visit: The party
Second visit: To apologise
Last visit: Pay the damages

The gentle art of writing off motorcars. “Drink responsibly, grapple your best friend’s wife responsibly, drive responsibly crash responsibly and die responsibly.

When is a real man allowed to cry?

The scene where the brave dog dies of his wounds after saving his master’s life.
When he’s standing looking at the wreck of the boss’s car he’d just crashed.
When Joan Jett starts slowly unzipping her black leather jacket.