“Haw you! Hoo come yi dinnae talk lik’ this;
in Lallans; braw langwij ae Bruce an’ Burns?”.
“Because, it is the tongue they bit me with;
the noise of my boyhood bruises and burns”.
Wee stjippit, gloowerin’, venomous bastirts;
ken’t weel hoo tongues yazed jist lik’ fists hurt;
tongues lik’ fleems lickin’ roon’ witches skirts;
tongues cut frae leather;
hackit words lik’ picks tae hack at yer hairt,
illumined by slevers.
I picked up sharp, hard
sheep herd bleats of hate;
fortifications of broad scots silence
and still speak some of that blank, white violence.
Comments
skinner_jennifer | May 4, 2011 - 17:32
Hi well-wisher,
wow! this is heavy stuff, but it was really worth the
read. I loved the Scottish accent.
Jenny.
mikepyro | May 5, 2011 - 02:02
my best friend's uncle has a really heavy scotish accent and your words fit him to a tee.
I do admit that this does make it hard for a reader though, and seeing as how these words are so distracting to stumble through your have to question if these lines are strong enough to carry the reader through, and for me, it's the rest of the piece that helped me get through it.
It's personal sure, but if you pur a piece like this out it needs to be accessible to your readers.
That said, this is still a very solid piece, but positive critique must always be followed by just as much if not more that focuses on the negative.
Good work with this, I enjoyed it.
well-wisher | May 5, 2011 - 08:08
Thankyou, Jenny and Mike Pyro. This is not just a poem in a scots accent but in the dialect of Lallans
(Lowlands) Scots and so it does contain some dialect words which might be difficult for readers who are unfamiliar with Lallans.
Braw = Attractive/Pretty
ken't = Knew
Hackit = Ugly
Slevers = Spittle
Where I come from most people speak in a mixture of Lallans and Glaswegian slang words.
Sorry if alot of it was impenetrable to you. I'm happy that you found parts of the poem enjoyable.
seashore | May 5, 2011 - 08:32
I think this does fit the IP but in any event it's a really good piece. I was married to a Scot who was obsessed with Burns and I detect a touch of that in the speech. I loved the Burns poetry too but not easy to read. This however, I didn't find difficult and it worked well with the underlying story.
Great last stanza!
well-wisher | May 5, 2011 - 09:00
Thankyou very much, Seashore. I tried to write the third verse in the form of a Burns Stanza.
When I was in Primary School, all the kids had to take part in a Burns recitation competition. I stood infront of the class and read "To a mouse" and the first verse of that poem has always stayed with me.
Any writer from Ayrshire is writing in the shadow of a towering Rabbie Burns, here he is treated with the same reverence that Elvis fans treat 'The King'.
seashore | May 5, 2011 - 10:15
`Wee sleekit cowerin tim'rous beastie........'
Brings it all back! I'm getting quite obsessed with your poem - in a good way.