diddley dum

Whilst I admire greatly your verbal pyrotechnics, this left me feeling quite depressed. Since it did produce a reaction, I expect that makes it good poetry. I found it too cynically clever, but am sure others would disagree.

I like this! The last two lines in particular are classic.

Interesting. I've had a number of comments about my poetry that have used the word 'clever' as a negative criticism or to damn me with faint praise.

Is there something wrong with actually thinking about a poem and choosing words for their meaning and structure?

I'm not an impulsive 'heart on my sleeve' writer because I mistrust the changeability of emotional reactions. But I believe I am honest in my expression, which requires a certain detachment.

Maybe I'm siezing on one word and making too much of it, but it reminds me of being bullied at school for being a 'brainbox'.

Ha! Got you! But by accident, I'm afraid, I meant to say that whilst I admired and envied your skill, my own, subjective, and I admit it, emotional reaction to the poem itself was negative. Hence a cherry has been awarded to what was a fine piece of writing, to give a purely objective view. Which, I suppose, is what they should all be. Or do you disagree?

I found it very cynical too... but hell, I loved it for that. None of that 'love lies bleeding' stuff here. I have often remarked that some poems strike me as being 'clever' but it's certainly not a critisism it is genuine praise. To me clever is taking a word, phrase or concept and moulding it into what you want it to become.A sculptor shouldn't be able to take metal and twist it, but he does. Same with words some can be taken and twisted all out of shape to become something else. My favourite poems are the clever ones that aren't full of bleeding emotion but play with words to create the effect that the 'artist' wants to achieve. The emotive stuff's great for those who like it but to me 'clever' poetry is art. There is nothing condescending about being told your poetry is clever if it comes from me. I mean it in its literal sense and take my hat off to you.

I have to say I think it's a very fine, clever and brilliant poem. My favourite line is 'His blood is glossy Virgin train red'.

OK - Maybe I'm being oversensitive (poor, tortured, artistic soul that I am!). My concern is that my writing might be seen as being cold, cerebral, intellectual wordplay that lacks emotional depth.

Certainly, this poem depicts a cynical world view. In essence, it's also quite a prosaic piece about being a commuter in a dead end world. My aim was to find a different perspective from which to write it.

I think I may have become hung up on resolving the problem of finding credible rhymes for 'Kipling' and 'needle' while staying in context; viewing it partially as a word puzzle with puns and an odd rhyming scheme.

Yes, sorry if I gave you that impression. I have apologised a few times on ABC for allowing an emotional reaction to content to obscure genuine appreciation for style and technique. I don't think your writing is cold, and don't believe there's anything wrong with being cerebral, God forbid! I remain a great admirer of what you post on here.

regards
Ewan