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retrosexual

Posted by WilkyBarKid on September 2, 2009 - 10:37

bare light bulb blooms
in a room adrift
all neon night

two hearts exchange shots:
a noir showdown
across sheet shadows

death valley cotton
and cockroach survivors
at dog-end dawn

break over-easy
between coffee breath
stained brownstone walls

Discuss this piece in the abctales forum


Comments

chuck | September 2, 2009 - 14:29

Good one wilky...bare bones love and squalor.

Sikander | September 2, 2009 - 19:25

Love this. Your use of alliteration is perfect - makes lovely shapes in the mouth, reading it aloud.

WilkyBarKid | September 5, 2009 - 15:59

Well, this is a pleasant surprise.

Thanks to Sikander for the nomination, which apparently tipped the balance.

This was actually written for a challenge on another site and is an experiment in style: a sort of concrete minimalism.

Funny enough, it's not as popular on the other site - which proves the value of getting as many different viewpoints as possible and not believing the hype!