She says we never talk - and yes, she's right.
But I spend each day dealing with such fools
on the telephone that I cannot bear
to speak for fear I might explode or run
amuck. I have these scripts; targets to meet
and quotas to fill; with ripostes designed
for cold call sales resistance, but no hints
about romance, except for seduction
of the gullible - which she's not, of course.
My need for conversation wanes at night.
I seek solace in a beer, but it cools
nothing except my ardour. In this chair,
I slump and abandon all hope of fun,
waking only once for dinner. The meat
is pablum on my tongue. I am resigned
to a life of tedium, hemmed in chintz.
And these words are merely a reduction
of truth to triteness: Love has run its course.
Comments
WilkyBarKid | May 2, 2008 - 15:05
Suggestion for a less bleak final phrase:
Love needs no discourse.
Which do you prefer?
anipani | May 2, 2008 - 17:52
the bleak, but then i am a melancholic! it's a beautifully written poem too.
animan | May 3, 2008 - 10:25
I don't know if this helps at all but my feeling on reading this is that maybe the poem reaches its conclusion too soon and I note that you offer an alternative and very different ending. It seems to me that the poem is a discussion of whether love has ended and therefore conversation (its slightly sudden decision at the current end), or whether talk has ended because discourse during the working day has become so distorted and abused by financial need, or whether (in your alternative) love has not ended but the discovery that needing to talk is unnecessary has ended for the one and not the other. There is more in a way that the poem could go on to explore by exploring the options in terms of coming up with a plausible explanation of the evidence (to put it pseudly on my part, I concede). I just feel there's more to come, more to be said, in what is already a great piece of work.
sunshine | May 3, 2008 - 18:01
mmmm maybe there could be more, well of course there COULD be more, but for me the economy of words works well, needing no more than the 2 verses for the character to tell his tale. He's at work, he's tired, he's half dead to what is happening. And as for the ending, I'm a sucker for the bleak, melancholic or dark stuff. I think (and in part because of the succinctness and the matter of factness) it needs this ending. in short I really like it as it is. Margot
flash | May 4, 2008 - 08:47
Yeah , i'm a fan of this bleak pessemistic stuff , the narrator like a lot us , wondering if he's just playing out time, repeating the same formula everyday.
Doeslittle | May 4, 2008 - 20:50
I prefer 'Love needs no discourse'. It's excellent nonetheless and the weight of public opinion seems against me!
keleph | May 5, 2008 - 00:18
this is great already but im going to jump into the debate with a wild suggestion: put both lines in!
it seems to me, many people live the life youve described; if asked some would say they are content ( the love needs no discourse people ). others are bitter and withdrawn ( love has run its course ).
for me both lines would add more depth of interpretation, also giving the poem a rhyme at the end ( to give a bit of significance to the choice )
only a suggestion, as i say, its great as it is :)
thanks
WilkyBarKid | May 6, 2008 - 09:49
Thanks for your thoughts.
On reflection, I think I prefer the latter ending. It's more in keeping with the poem's theme. It still has a certain ambiguity about whether the protagonists are actually 'in love'. And it serves as a riposte to the opening line.
Anything additional would require a complete re-write as the poem has a well defined structure.
Maybe another poem from another perspective. The guy can't be allowed to get away with this!