Thud,
Listen again,
Thud,
Thats the sound things make when they crash down,
But wait,
Hear that?
The sound of silence emerging from the dark,
Its the noise of my conscience,
Pushing me higher,
Listen in yourself,
Learn your inner sounds,
Then next time you fall,
You will know when to stand,
When the music starts playing,
Hold out your hands.
Comments
tcook | July 5, 2010 - 17:18
I like this and almost gave it a cherry but the 'thud' sound at the start seemed to jar with me. After 'Hear that?' I think it's excellent - maybe you could rework the beginning? See what others think!
WillSimpson | July 5, 2010 - 17:24
Haha ok, thanks for your advice, The thud is supposed to be a negative aspect so it seems to of worked.
Kahdai | July 5, 2010 - 18:56
I think its fab as is Will, the thuds do jar as you read it, yet to me, in a way I think they would as if they were real! I really like the ending lines! K
maggyvaneijk | July 6, 2010 - 12:48
love the rhythm to this piece. Perhaps if you balanced it more it would be less jarring? Add some short beats along the middle of the poem? Not quite sure! I'm a thud-fan though :)
WillSimpson | July 6, 2010 - 13:00
Thank you all.