Home is where?

Like the title of this one, Will. A sad tale, well told.

Tina

Hey thanks tina, heres the link if ya wanna try one,
http://www.writersblockne.com/

Yes- certainly a drop out with a hope. Well phrased.
A good one- a few minor tweaks and it is perfect.
;)Pia

How, what tweaks and where?

I really like this too Will - especially the ending. You need to go through it with a spellcheck before sending it off though

I ha\/e, I can't see any mistakes?

corrections in brackets - hope they make sense!

Home is where?

Trapped on a stinking bloody stagecoach bus, you would of (delete of, replace with have) thought the driver would have had the sense to wake me. My name is Tom, I've been homeless now for 5 years and an alcoholic for 4 and 11 months. Its (it's) been a difficult month but I'm getting there, the thing is when your (you're) a down and out, people are quite passive so I tend to get left alone, the only trouble is since I quit the drink last month I've developed some kind of narcoleptic sleep pattern, the doctor says I need to take it easy, but come on. How does an ex alcoholic trying to drag his arse out of a bedsit and reintegrate himself into the world find time to take it easy. (you need a question mark here) Although truth be told I've always been one for taking it easy, that's how I got myself into this mess of a life in the first place, get an apprenticeship they used to say, get a good footing on the ladder son, something to fall back onto. Well what a load of bollocks that was, at sixteen I was well on the way to a prosperous career with the British telecom
I passed the entrance tests easy, but then things began to get difficult for me. The usual teenage dilemma's (dilemmas) started to occur. I had parents who had suddenly woken up from their eternal bliss and realised the old marriage institution was a con, let the proceedings begin. The fights started so I packed up and left to stay with my older brother, that's when I found the entreating (not sure entreating is the right word - perhaps enticing?) world of cigarettes and alcohol.
At the time my brother was living with some other friends of his who had dropped out, while my bro was at uni I would be sat in the digs smoking weed and basically doing nothing, the fights started again with big bro, by now I was a bit older and street smart so I thought I could handle the world,(perhaps a full stop here instead of a comma) within one year I was homeless and an incredibly talented junky. I say talented because not many junkies are known to have any talents, but I did. I would busk around the city centre and most days I would make a fair bob or two, I was drinking more and more. Life was fucking great.
That is until I caught sight of my own reflection, I met an old guy named Ivan, he was an artist and also a hopeless addict, I spent a few months with him and learnt a lot about the darkness of myself. I was a mess, the more shame I felt (you need a comma here) the more smack I pumped into my veins, (a semi-colon here instead of a comma) the more smack I was pumping (comma) the more drink I needed to balance the books, if you know what I mean. Anyhow that was then, this is now, and right now I'm on my way to see my mother. Unfortunately no body (nobody) bothered to wake the rough looking junky in the corner (comma) so now I will have to wait till the morning before I can finally go home.

I'll tell you don't worry:

your is you are or you're- 4th line
no body should be nobody - third last line
the teaser is grammatically incorrect- I wrote- have written
apart from that you need to have a wee look at your punctuation- a few commas, question marks and full stops.
Otherwise it is a great piece- believe me. Really if you had a check on these it would be perfect. I promise you. I think you did really well.
cheers ;)Pia

haha thanks, I'll resubmit it, Xx

Hello Will,

That was a very interesting piece, a story well worth telling.
Good luck with the tweaks!
and
I do hope that you will write many more such stories,
Perhaps a sequel? I for one would like to know something of how things turn out for this guy.

Good luck

Don Michael

5 years later when he put down the can,
What became of the homeless man?

I wouldn't be able to promises him a rose garden!

well done :)