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Hate Without Reason

Posted by Yazmin on October 1, 2008 - 14:50

Don't mess with me
Don't even try
I'll make you see
Or make you die
Don't even think
Than I won't try
To be your friend
Or see you cry
You're not my friend
You'll never be
A part of them
Or a part of me
You make me sick
You make me cry
I hate you so
My heart does cry
I sometimes wonder
Everyday
What makes me feel
This horrid way
I have no reason
To be honest
But I know I hate you
And that's a Promise.

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Comments

Nathan Bednarek | October 1, 2008 - 19:06

This is very good. For a thirteen-year-old you have a lot of potential, but you need to watch out for those little mistakes.

Line 6- it should be- won't.

Line 9- 'your' means that something belongs to you, but if you want to say 'you are' then it should be- you're.

Line 12- you missed out a T in par'- parT.

I really like the last two lines. They're really punchy and 'in-your-face' type.

Well done.

Nathan.

Yazmin | October 16, 2008 - 16:39

Thank you i'm trying to improve on things like that, I appreciate you telling me
Yaz xx