After a wretched childhood begging for gruel in the poorhouse, FTSE woke up one morning to find himself writing. At first he was very angry with himself, but when it became clear that he lacked the temperament to follow his father into ballet, which he considered the pits, he gave himself his full support. To this day he is unable to read and has no idea what he writes.
FTSE's favourite colour for bills is anything other than red. Piano keyboards, he believes, look rather fetching in black and white, and for traffic lights he favours green. His favourite dwarf is Sneezy. His hobbies include spoofing autobiographies and counting his blessings, of which he has at least nine. Sometimes he is very serious indeed.
My Stories
Angels Submitted on October 6, 2009 - 14:54 | 549 reads
Love and Gout Submitted on May 29, 2009 - 10:10 | 477 reads
Mikey's Birthday Submitted on May 27, 2009 - 22:14 | 550 reads
Imaginary Bali Submitted on February 10, 2009 - 19:18 | 579 reads
Don't Worry Submitted on February 6, 2009 - 22:21 | 475 reads
The Last Days Submitted on January 28, 2009 - 18:53 | 434 reads
Extreme Breakfasts Submitted on January 26, 2009 - 20:25 | 468 reads
The October Facebook Riots Submitted on January 23, 2009 - 12:47 | 612 reads
Age Brings Wisden Submitted on January 20, 2009 - 23:52 | 467 reads
A Prayer to Google Submitted on January 19, 2009 - 13:19 | 582 reads
Inside Out Submitted on December 16, 2008 - 14:16 | 562 reads
Melons are a Bore Submitted on November 14, 2008 - 18:24 | 658 reads
Kill 'em All Submitted on November 12, 2008 - 12:30 | 645 reads
How to Conjugate a Sheep Submitted on November 7, 2008 - 15:24 | 609 reads
Vengeance is Mine! Submitted on October 31, 2008 - 13:03 | 560 reads
Final Examination Submitted on October 22, 2008 - 14:57 | 657 reads
This Are the Way of Dissertation Writings Submitted on October 16, 2008 - 11:23 | 589 reads
Alien Abduction Submitted on October 8, 2008 - 16:58 | 754 reads
Poetry As She Is Wrote Submitted on September 28, 2008 - 19:10 | 613 reads
To Mock a Killingbird Submitted on September 25, 2008 - 22:07 | 794 reads
May All Your Underpants be Wonderpants Submitted on September 22, 2008 - 16:48 | 675 reads
The Theatre of Me: Prologue. Submitted on August 21, 2008 - 13:35 | 507 reads
Dear Literary Agent Submitted on August 18, 2008 - 09:08 | 682 reads
Fairy Tale Submitted on August 14, 2008 - 13:13 | 694 reads
My Beige Heaven Submitted on August 13, 2008 - 15:26 | 629 reads
American As She Is Spoke Submitted on August 11, 2008 - 18:13 | 572 reads
King of Spoons Submitted on August 6, 2008 - 17:06 | 734 reads
Gorblimey Trousers Submitted on July 30, 2008 - 11:00 | 949 reads
The Truss Trap Submitted on July 22, 2008 - 09:08 | 663 reads