Hobbs and Dobbs
Posted by ice rivers on Sun, 05 Apr 2020
Let’s go back oh five million years or so to the moment when the first alpha monkey learned to voluntarily contract the small muscles at the base of his hair follicles which caused the first intentional, political piloererction. His hair stood on end which made him appear a lot bigger than he actually was. After the bristle, he went semi-berserk and started making threatening moves towards every other monk in his immediate vicinity. The male monks backed away and the females hid their babies. A few minutes later, several of the males and even more females stepped forward and started grooming the new boss, let’s call him Hobb.
Hobb repeated this mechanism on a daily basis and the results were always the same although every once in awhile one of the male monks made the mistake of looking Hobbs in the eyes rather than side eye. This would cause an exponential increase in aggressive signaling from Hobbs until the offender backed off and boogalooed before stepping forward again and grooming Hobb.
This Hobbsian hierarchy lasted about a year until a younger, stronger monkey dethroned Hobbs. Let’s call this monkey Dobb. Dobb could get even more erect, even quicker than Hobb. As soon as Hobb became aware of this uncomfortable and undeniable reality, he immediately began grooming Dobb. Dobb took over and so it went for the next few million years until somebody discovered fire and maybe a thousand years later somebody else let’s call him Cobb, invented cooking.
Cobb began to attract a following of his own not based on his erections or threats but rather because of his ability to put fire to good use for the common cause. In the hierarchy of Cobb, power was earned by expertise. Expertise could be transferred and every monk who grabbed some of the transference was contributing to a growing universal good and thus found himself the recipient of more frequent grooming and mating.
The dominant descendants of Dobb, always reluctant to conceded any power, came to realize that they had to be more restful of the common good because no matter how erect or aggressive Dobb could become, he was no match for the growing numbers of Cobbs who through their shared leadership were multiplying rapidly.
Along the way, a female monkey named Sobb learned some methods of improving the food on the fire. This left more time for the other monks to explore two new areas of expertise known as hunting and gathering.
These escapades were led by Hubb and Gubb who inherited hierarchies of their own who groomed them as fervently as Hobb had groomed Dobb etc.