Aardvark Art Park

Where everything begins and occasionally ends with a cherry on top

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To Sleep Perchance to Snore

To begin with, I spend more time thinking about sleeping than I spend time thinking about any other subject. Some people might call that process...
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Chan Shake Snapshot Plus

There's a great line in the Grateful Dead's United States Blues. "Shake the hand that shook the hand of PT Barnum and Charley Chan." Now if you shook...
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Learning to Misunderstand Sex

When I look back at my childhood, I'm staggered by the innocence. I grew up deep in a city in the time that it was inevitably turning into a war zone...
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Fuller Grasp of Filler

In order to attain a fuller grasp of the concept of filler, we must detour through anacondas, alligators, dinosaurs, LSD, and birds. Ready? Every so...
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Terri, William and Barbara

My wife was telling me about the intoxicating smell that came from the packaging of Barbie dolls and Barbie accessories back in the day. I related...
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Story of the week

Afternoon Angel

I know for sure it was a Tuesday afternoon. I don't know if it was the first time I smoked weed, such moments are hard to pinpoint. Today is also a...
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Addicted...Ignoring a Warning From Wolf

In my first years of teaching, I was always suspected to be "some kind of nut" because of the length of my hair. Apparently, I didn't "look"like a...
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Doin' The Dean

You've had a tough day. Nothing traumatic but deadly in its own way. Repetitive. Uninspiring. Marginalizing. Alienating. Too listless to even qualify...
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Wild Bill From Babylon

I'm starting to wonder how long I will last. I'm already older than I deserve to be; based on the way that I've conducted my life. I want to give...
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Into the Evening

I was fortunate enough to score a moonlight interview with Dr. Darlene Carr. Dr. Carr has achieved notoriety for her well publicized theory of death...
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Full

At first, I was a "when are we gonna get there" type kid, like every kid on early journeys. The monotony of every journey was interrupted by stops at...
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Skinning the Cat

The swing set was on a hill overlooking the crystal water of Canandaigua Lake. Nothing fancy at all. Two swings suspended by thin chains. We had...
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Uncommon Common

Once upon a time, we were playing Bingo in a Fire Hall. Suddenly, an amazing fire burst out across the street. I had never seen anything so powerful...
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Two for You

I found out tonight that my third wife was born in Pleasantville, Pennsylvania. How ironic ! It's as if Richard Nixon was born in Honestville,...
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Cheeseheads and the Carcass of Martha

Andy and his brother Pete heard the word through telegraph, a modern marvel in 1898. The final flock of carrier pigeons, 250,000 of them were...
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Thumbs Up on Sunday

Okay, I got this. It took awhile but I got it. Last Sunday I left the teevee off while the national anthem was playing. I went into the kitchen and...
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Road to Enlightenment

My road to enlightenment passes through Buddha and the Buffalo Bills. Buddhism lacks an almighty God figure but provides a gateway to enlightenment...
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Jeremiah Starfish

Like millions of others, I’m done reading Fire and Fury and half done with Daniel Ellsburg’s Doomdsay Machine. Very disquieting how they over lap...
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Donald Trump in the beginning

In the beginning, there was kayfabe Back in the days before professional wrestling became sports entertainment/performance art, bad guys were ALWAYS...
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Class of 1917 Reunion

1967 was a very good year for Sinatra. I was a junior in college and at the top of my undergrad game. I was still young enough to rock and roll. I...
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Dangerous Times For Men and Women

Yeah, I'm gonna survive. I know there's a difference between survivor and victim. I've been both. I've got the grand slam. I've survived cancer. I've...
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Adverb Angst

Call me Very. I'm an adverb. I'm angry about that. I'm common. I'm used and abused all the time. I don't even get the complimentary "ly" that some of...
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Showdown on Main Street

Every so often, I'll find a volume in my office library that takes me by surprise. I don't remember acquiring the book so I don't remember the moment...
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The Old Ball Game

One of my colleagues, a guy named Fred, got into as much trouble as I did for having classrooms that were not quiet. Neither Fred nor I thought the...
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A Trickle and a Former Pickle

I look at my work and see that it's good. Gawd, I'm a great writer. One of the best I've ever read anywhere. And then an internal strawman advocating...
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In Vanishing Valley

Thirty years ago, on a startling, clear August afternoon, I was smack dab in the middle of everywhere, the Grizzly Mountains of Montana. To be more...
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Pick of the Month

Daddio and Beyond

DADDIO When I was a pre-school child I played with miniature plastic cowboys and Indians. My parents referred to them as “characters”. I liked ‘em...
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Waiting for Wild Bill

One remarkable afternoon, I was sitting at a booth in Kennedy airport slamming some suds with my brother Deke while waiting on Wild Bill to pick us...
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Two Photographs

While watching PBS last night I heard an interesting story from a British photographer who had photographed both Putin and Trump. When Putin walked...
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To Fear Fear and Worry is Madness

The only thing we have to fear is to fear fear itself. Why do we fear fear? Fear is an involuntary response to the possibility of pain or death. Fear...
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I'm Just Writing a Story on the Computer

On balance, I'm not a fan of the word "just". "Just" as an adjective is fine and in the case of this sentence, it is fine as a noun. "Just" as an...
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Our Market

Religious divisiveness/decisevness continues to thrive in America and remains among our greatest challenges as well as vulnerabilities. Clearly, we...
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Panic with Pen and Paper

I'm writing this on paper with an orange RIT Alumni Association pen. I like these pens. They have a friendly flow which tends to make my handwriting...
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Henry the Barber

Just as dogs were once wolves, barbers were once doctors. I remember going to the doctor before I remember going to the barber. Perhaps this is why I...
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Selfie at the Circus

Monkeys chattering in my brain Minimize the gain of pain While I form a Congo line Of I , me, myself and mine And we sit as one for our group shot...
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Merle's Midnight Fall

Merle Seton was a dreamin' bout sittin' on a dock Five feet above soft rocks that were covered with warm Lake Water. Merle slipped gently off the...
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Prior to embracing Ambiguity

I remember a time before I decided to embrace ambiguity and make it my life work that I felt a weird sense of relief that Albert Einstein had come up...
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Validation at Fast Phil's (Yeah Yeah Yeah)

As already confessed, I have a predilection towards singing the words "wild cherry cola" over and over in my brain. When I mentioned this to my wife...
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Thank God for Aristotle

A penny. A stinken Lincoln One hundredth of a dollar. One gazillionth of a phantom five hundred dollars. Several bottles of ouzo disappeared from Ari...
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Vin

Yesterday was my father's 93rd birthday. Of course, he wasn't around to enjoy it; that is if you consider these mortal coils by which we're bound a...
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Yes, We Have Cancer

Yes, we have cancer. Who are we? We are I, in all my different hats and moods. We are all those who love me and all those whom I love and all those...
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The Doctor's First Dozen Words

On the way to our reckoning, our memory connectors were on alert and searching for omens. We found one almost immediately. Two minutes from our house...
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Too Much Radiation Information?

The seventh day of radiation proved to be informative. Maybe too informative, if ya know what I mean. The night before, I was up all night because of...
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Ava's Shower

I know this wasn't a dream because when I dream I always try to get the picture but the camera never works. It was my bridal first shower. My gender...
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Resistance and Rejuvenation

Today's the day. Last night was the night. I only had to steal one mirror last night so I got my first half way decent shuteye in months. At this...
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Mothers Die

Mary was born on Christmas. I was her first born son, 25 years and five days later. Mary's father died when she was sixteen. She raised her two...
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Full of Poison

I'm about as full of poison as I'm going to get. I'm twenty five blasts in with three to go. Lethargic guilt is such a pitiful condition. I'm...
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Midnight Mary

Today is the first day in Rochester that we can all wear shorts. Thank God. Today is also the 25th birthday of my youngest daughter Mary. Mary was...
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Top Drawer

The old wallet died characteristically as a hero. Cash had walked the four rows down from his VIP seats at Citi-field in order to snap a between the...
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Smarter than a Caterpillar (Fire Flys and Spiders part two)

Since all the caterpillars looked exactly alike whether or not they had eaten the peas from the poisoned pods, they would eventually grow into...
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Champion Hills

This is a true story of golf, cancer and human nature. On my third day I couldn't stop thinking of Champion Hills. Champion Hills is the country club...
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The Essential Process of Misinterpretation (Krell)

Krell continued. "The story of Sid touches upon the subject of historical inaccuracy. Your or your Dad's charge of Platonic misinterpretation, Arthur...

Still in the Game

I'd miss Mr. Baseball more if I didn't dream about him so often. I dreamt about him again last night. He was laughing and healthy. I remember telling...

Erika From A Distance

Sometimes it's important to see things through the eyes of others. We received this letter from a niece named Erika who lives in North Carolina. Lynn...

We are Afraid

We are afraid. We've been cat scanned and bone scanned. Our secrets photographed. Even the secrets of our secrets are now up for inspection; an...

Radiation

Today was my first day of radiation. The beginning of active warfare against the terrorist cells hiding in my prostate. The whole deal took about...

Waffle Iron Mystery

Luck? I'll tell you about luck. In November my wife ordered a wafffle iron through Amazon. Time went by and no waffle maker. We were getting...

Piss Brigade

When we re-learn how to sleep, the difference between night and day becomes negligible as the piss brigade activates. Here's how it works. I'm peeing...