CHRISTMAS TALES - SAUCE
Poems and stories wish a little more relish
On a Christmas Eve at midnight When I got into bed I lay upon my pillow And there beside my head Was Santa with his trousers off And this is what he said Happy Christmas little girl
A young man called Paul Wanted to buy a present For his new sweetheart Maria As a Christmas present As they’d not been dating For a very long duration He decided to purchase
On Christmas Eve Don’t lay awake in bed All you naughty girls Blonde, brunette or red For instead of presents You may get a shock instead You may catch Santa Dressed in his suit of red
Are you wearing a bunch of mistletoe? Well you certainly mean business
Are you wearing a green Christmas outfit? You look very beautiful in it
Are you wearing a red Christmas outfit? You look very beautiful in it
Are you wearing Christmas garters? Answer me that one for starters
Are you wearing Christmas hosiery? Phwor are you going to let me see
Are you wearing Christmas Knickers? Is that appropriate for vicars?
Are you wearing Christmas stockings? Beneath your long red coat
Are you wearing tinsel in your hair? Sitting atop your golden curls
Bad Santa is a bit of a perve So naughty girl when he comes into view It won’t be a candy cane in his pocket He’ll be really pleased to see you!
One Christmas Eve on a roof top up on high A poor soul stands shouting up at the sky
I am a man of simple tastes But obviously there’s a twist So all I want for Christmas Is Santa’s naughty girl list
It was Christmas 1975 and we had just returned to work after having had our Christmas lunch at the pub. Although in truth calling it Christmas lunch was perhaps a bit of a stretch and “Christmas Lunch” makes it sound grander that it actually was.
When I got my hand on her breast I made a startling discovery and no, it wasn’t anything to do with Scaramanga. What I found wasn’t a third nipple but something altogether different. Now I was just a callow youth and I wasn’t hugely experienced in the ways of the world.
So when young Mrs Claus arrived in town I looked at her with her pure white hair
The daughter of one of Santa’s Elves Was out of control and a bit of a prancer