EDUCATIONAL TALES

SCHOOL STUFF

A CALCULATED DECISION

Miss Armitage entered Calculus class

A WHALE OF A TALE

Little Maya was talking to her teacher About Jonah and the Whale Her teacher said it was physically impossible and it was just a tale

ANSWER THIS TOMMY

The Teacher asks one of the class clowns "Can you give me three collective nouns?" Tommy replies in keeping with his demeanour "Flypaper, wastebasket, and vacuum cleaner"

ARE YOU WEARING A CAPE?

Are you wearing a cape?

ARE YOU WEARING A REUNION BADGE?

Are you wearing a reunion badge? No wonder you look depressed

ARE YOU WEARING PIG TAILS?

Are you wearing pig tails?

BAD SCHOOL DAY

When I was at school When I was just a lad What was embarrassing And made me very sad Was the day I called The history teacher dad

CHURCH CONTROVERSY

At our church there is Something of a controversy

DON’T INTERRUPT ME WHEN I’M TALKING

Don’t interrupt me when I’m talking

EXCUSE ME MISS

Sam asked a question of his teacher He asked it of the stern Miss Meacher

FINDING THE NEW WORLD

Maria was asked by the teacher To go to the map and find America The girl walked to the map and pointed “Here it is miss this is America” “Well done, now class who can tell me

FISHY BEHAVIOUR

When fish are in schools

I HAD A TERRIBLE NIGHT’S SLEEP

I had a terrible night’s sleep

I LOST MY THESAURUS TODAY

I lost my thesaurus today

I LOST MY VIRGINITY DURING EXAMS

I lost my virginity during exams

I MESSED ABOUT A LOT AT SCHOOL

I messed about a lot at school

I SIGNED UP FOR BOTANY

When I was at school

I UPSET MY ENGLISH TEACHER

I upset my English teacher

I USED TO START AN AWFUL LOT OF FIGHTS

I used to start an awful lot of fights

I WAS BULLIED VERY BADLY AT SCHOOL

I was bullied very badly at school

IF YOU ASK A STUPID QUESTION

Joshua was caught talking to a friend during assembly

IN THE CORRIDORS AT MY SCHOOL

In the corridors at my school

INVIGILATED

Sitting the final exam

IT’S YOUR OWN TIME YOU’RE WASTING

“It’s your own time you’re wasting”

I’VE BEEN DOING A SELF-HELP COURSE

I’ve been doing a self-help course But it hasn’t helped a bit

I’VE ENROLLED MY DAUGHTER # 1

I’ve enrolled my daughter in a class Which caused her to exclaim

I’VE ENROLLED MY HUSBAND # 1

I’ve enrolled my Husband,

I’VE ENROLLED MY SON # 1

I’ve enrolled my son

I’VE ENROLLED MY SON # 2

I’ve enrolled my son

I’VE ENROLLED MY WIFE # 1

I’ve enrolled my wife

I’VE ENROLLED MY WIFE # 2

I’ve enrolled my wife On an evening class So she will learn how to Start a conversation During the commercials In the same way I do

I’VE ENROLLED MY WIFE # 3

I’ve enrolled my wife On an evening class

JOHN WAS THROWN OUT OF SCHOOL

John was thrown out of school

JOSHUA DID HIS MULTIPLICATION

Joshua did his multiplication

LUVVAGE

My pencil case is in love

MATHS PROBLEMS

The American’s must

MEMOIR OF A NORTH LONDON SCHOOL BOY # 1

It was a blistering hot day in 1969 when the third year of Secondary school started and Alexander Park Comprehensive School was heaving with familiar faces.

MEMOIR OF A NORTH LONDON SCHOOL BOY # 2

“That billy goat’s beard looks like Palmers fanny” Wendy said out of the blue and giggled “What?” I said taken by surprise

MR ONION TOLD A JOKE IN CLASS

Mr Onion told a joke in class

MY BROTHER TEACHES

My brother teaches Year nine history

MY CAT STORY

The teacher questioned Samuel about his homework “I have just read your story entitled “my cat”

MY CROSS EYED TEACHER WAS SACKED

My cross eyed teacher was sacked

MY SON CAME RUSHING HOME FROM SCHOOL

My son came rushing home from school

MY YOUNG SON JUSTIN WAS KNOCKED OUT

My young son Justin was knocked out

ODE TO A YOUNG STUDENT

If success you will achieve Do not ever flatter to deceive Apply yourself with valiant effort

ON MY VERY FIRST DAY AT PRIMARY SCHOOL

On my very first day at primary school I handed, as instructed, a letter to my teacher

ONE OF MY TEACHERS IS A RUNNER

One of my teachers is a runner

ORIGAMI CLUB

When I was at Uni

OUR LONDON SCHOOL WAS AWASH

Our London school was awash

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES – ANSWERING THE CALL

In class one day a boy named Benny Needed to go to the toilet suddenly

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES – PAUL AND THE CAT

At nursery school Little Paul told his teacher that On his way to school He had found a dead cat "How do you know?” The nursery teacher said To little Paul “That the cat was dead?"

PICTURE THIS

The school had been photographed All of the children and all the staff The proofs had come back promply And the teacher’s task was simply Persuading them to buy a copy then

SAMUEL WAS LATE FOR SCHOOL

Samuel was late for School

SAY IT AINT SO

“What is the chemical formula for water?” The science teacher said to young Joe Joe confidently stood up and replied

SCIENCE’S

If it is green or it squirms it’s Biology

SEAT OF LEARNING

In those halcyon days at university Our lively intelligence or our esprit

SECULAR EDUCATION

The education system Is becoming increasingly secular

SENT TO THE HEADMASTERS OFFICE

When I used to be sent to the headmasters office

SEX EDUCATION 101

Peaches told her mother when she got home Tommy showed me his willy at school today

SHOPPING ENCOUNTER

Their eyes met at the supermarket She clearly recognized him

SOMETHING HAPPENED AT SCHOOL TODAY

Something happened at school today
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SUNDAY SCHOOL QUERY

Joshua was asked at a Sunday school meeting

TESTING SEX

At the end of the day The teacher announces “There is a test tomorrow I will accept few excuses” “Only a nuclear war, Death or a serious injury To yourself or one of

THE QUIZZICAL SON

A young boy comes home from school And addresses his father quizzically

THE THREE R’S

I was raised on the three R’s At least on their importance Reading, riting and rithmatic

THEY JUST KEEP ON TALKING

They just keep on talking

THREE CHILDREN SLIDING ON THE ICE

Three children sliding on the ice Fell on their bottoms once or twice

TRUE COOL

They’re the “in crowd” The cool ones The clique

UNDER ACHIEVING

Gillian finished her first week at school And had a very unhappy look on her face

UNFORGETTABLE

He was such a forgetful man

WHEN I WALKED INTO THE ROOM

When I walked into the room

WHEN I WAS AT SCHOOL

When I was at school Our English teacher, Mrs Rowan

A TEACHER HELD A SPELLING BEE

A teacher held a spelling bee and asked “Kyle, how do you spell “crocodile?”“

INTERRUPTING ANNETTE

“Give me a sentence starting with “I”“ The teacher asked young Annette

THE PREFECT AND THE OIK

“Why are you always such a dirty little oik?” The prefect asked

COLIN TOOK A PORK PIE

For his homework Colin took a pork pie

THE CAT ESSAY

The teacher said “your essay on “My cat”

MY GRANDCHILDREN LIVE IN THE CITY

My grandchildren live in the city

RIGHT ANGLED TRIANGLES

I wanted to buy some right angled triangles

HIGHER EDUCATION IS A WONDERFUL THING

Higher education is a wonderful thing But achieving it is not without expense

WHEN MY BROTHER WAS AT COLLEGE

When my brother was at college

THE YEAR OUT

I took a “year out” before going to Uni

I HAD TWO EXAMS TODAY

I had two Exams today, English Oral