Hate Speech and Thoughtcrime

My proposed second poetry collection. Work in progress.

Western Society is Going to Collapse

The overdraft is plummeting to trillions and trillions. Satanic banks are bloating into ruby-crowned leviathans who clamp their clenching, flexing,...

The National Dish

Doner kebab! O doner kebab! Often, when I recline beside you, how I wonder what’s inside you. Cloven hooves and mad-cow beef, bits of a bouncer’s...

Phimosis, aged Nineteen

My loins, my loins are roaring, they rage for lack of whoring and hurry me towards a wench who treads the boards in my bawdy theatre group. She’d...

Circumcision, aged Twenty

Goodbye, good riddance, there’ll be no reminiscence of our coexistence as you kept me distant from my pump and piston teenage ambition, thwarting all...

Festival Moment

Miles of polystyrene beakers carpet a cow-smelling field. Kangaroo meat’s up for grabs in tubs that are clumsily sealed. It tastes the way a sofa...
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When Candles of Wax my Room do Light

When candles of wax my room do light, I down sit and some poetry write, and though the centuries late have got, I the verb at the end of each...
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College Reunion

Harriet is now a Jehovah’s Witness. Ranjit deejays at a folk music nightclub. His parents are proud. Charlotte is a spanner-munching mechanic called...
Gold cherry
Poem of the week

To my Unborn Son

My unborn son, I drill down through the wires that thread my battered brain and ask, “What kind of world will drag you through the fires of earthy...

Conversation with my Teenage Self

I need to find a girl who reads. But girls round here don’t read, old boy. They’re far too busy watering seeds and ploughing along in a tractor. Then...

Ironic

Mister Antifascist, dressed blacker than a goth, covers up his features with a bit of cloth. The patriots’ conference is a lamp to a left-winged moth...
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Canute

My pet newt, Canute, is far too minute to hold back the tide on its moon-inspired route. Nor can he dispute the ocean’s pursuit of valley-bound towns...
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Julian and I

It was a lizard’s tongue-flick after England One Germany Four in the World Cup when armies of churlish chair-hurling Anglo-Saxons who apparently aren...

Racist

I can make you feel small, racist. So that you’ll have to crawl, racist. I can make you want, after speaking to me, to bash your head on a wall,...

All of my Opinions

Just look at all these privileged white male proletarian imbeciles who can’t use grammar properly! Just listen to their simple squeals about how they...

Dissociative Love

Such hair, such springy marmalade hair, such arctic skin, such North Sea eyes, breasts to slaughter Vikings for, such breasts, such fertile vulpine...

Over

I’m over women. I’m over sex. I’m over beauty. I’m over youth. I’m over pain. I’m over tears. I’m over heartbreak. I’m over youth. I’m over love. I’m...
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I’m Not Interested

I’m not interested in how you’ve learned to endow pockets of webblifrabe with auto-chiffliswabe and made the director go “wow” so that now you’ve...

Discussion about Tommy Robinson with some Liberal Leftists

Muslims are a race! You fascist nipple-face! They can’t be criticised! Screw your racist lies! Freedom? Go to hell! White men rape as well! Why don’t you...

The Road to 1688

The popinjays in parliament are fat from lack of effort as foreign gentlemen who’ve strangled children in a desert, invited by a German witch, come...

My Girlfriend Cheated on me, so I Cut her Tits Off

My girlfriend cheated on me, so I cut her tits off. Then I threw them in a lake where maybe a voracious water-snake will eat them. Or a peckish...

Tim’s Cat

I once knew a locksmith called Timothy whose cat was a lardy behemoth, he scoffed rats till he threw up. I forget where Tim grew up, his accent was...
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Canute, Part Two

My pet newt, the minute Canute, was hatched on a mossy islet festooned with pine-cones and chrysalises in a soggy explosion of yellow, green and...

Terrish – A World Language

The Bagvaan’s Inori Ower Baaba, hu is in Shammu, kaddosh is yor vardas, yor vasilio datang, yor zhelanye be fard, on Terra as in Shammu. Datch us...

Die Merkel

Sie ist die Merkel, sie sieht nicht gut aus. Sie lädt viele terroristen ein nach haus. Sie wirkt so gerecht, an sie kommt niemand ran. Für die...

Prague

Up on the shoulders of the shapely city, tucked inside the rock, beneath a huge forever-ticking metronome, the urge to strut around the place and set...

Polish Afternoon

It was over uncleaned kitchens and unpaid zlotys, I think. Not sure. I only understood “kurwa”. The argument between you and those two bottom-jockeys...
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Men are from Minsk, Women are from Vilnius

Yuri. Round face. Cropped black hair. Red nose. He roars, “What can I do? Vodka naidu!” The tumblers drip. “Drink, Alfie! To the last man who can...

Note to a German Geezerbird

hey dude dudette düdin look that one up in Duden you dindu nuffin with that dildo, man! what a dandy indeed in your dirndl under the dado rail are...
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Poem of the week

Koumpounophobia

I’ve always hated buttons...
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Cherry

Soundwaves

Under the glow of the spotty-faced moon, a plough, a small bear and an orangey Venus, ascends the percussion of wheels on a track as grasshoppers...
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Bud Bud Ding Ding

Where is all the bloody tea? The bloody tea I cannot see. This bloody tea, it taste like mud. Bud bud ding ding, bud bud bud. This cooker I was...