MUSICAL MATTERS

 

70’S MUSICAL DESERT

The forties Brought us swing

A REAL HUMDINGER

A man made a boast It was a real humdinger

ANGELS OF THE CHOIR

Angels of the choir Is this the sound of heaven?

ARE YOU WEARING A TUTU?

Are you wearing a tutu?

ARE YOU WEARING DANCING PUMPS?

Are you wearing dancing pumps?

ARTIE

When Artie Shaw Was the King of Swing

BIX

It was said of Bix That his Cornet spat out notes

CLASSICAL MUSIC MOVES ME

Classical music moves me I’ve loved it from an early age

DESCENDING SCALE

The piano fell down The mineshaft

FADS

New music bands Come onto the scene With monotonous regularity Each new crop Compensating for lack of talent Choose the names bizarrely This has always Been accepted

FESTIVAL TOILETS

At the festival toilets There was a bit of a queue

I ASKED THE DJ STRAIGHT

I asked the DJ straight

I CAN’T PLAY MY INSTRUMENT

I can’t play my instrument

INCONSIDERATE NEIGHBOURS

At 3am there was a knock at the door It was my neighbour, the cheeky little strumpet

KATIE SINGS LIBERALLY

I have to say my heart was gladdened

KEYBOARDS

In the 1970’s I was big into

MUSIC COUNTRY

If you sing a country music song Backward all the way along Will you find your let out of jail And will the train stay on the rail? Your house was not burned down

MUSIC TO SOOTHE THE SAVAGE BEAST

The shepherd lad called shep, Though that was a Sobriquet,

MUSICAL FUSION

There’s a new music fad or fashion A genre of Swedish/Australian fusion

MY FAVOURITE THINGS # 1

Black lacy stocking, suspenders or garters Silk cami-knickers will do nicely for starters
Cherry

MY FAVOURITE THINGS, NOT

Black spot on roses and fingerless mittens Green stinging nettles and flea ridden kittens

MY MUSIC TASTES ARE QUITE ECLECTIC

My music tastes are quite eclectic

MY SON HAD A EUREKA MOMENT

My son had a eureka moment

PIANO FOR SALE

I have a tale of woe to tell Of my piano which I must sell Oh what a tragic sort of tale Which tells of my piano for sale For it has to go so I was told Though I don’t really want it sold

POLITICO MUSICO

It seems at Westminster they have a choir And the making of music is their only desire Now although they sing all hail and hearty

RAP TRAP

Wearing baggy pants and baseball cap Rap Rap Rappers doing Rap Crap Strutting on stage with tuneless rhyme Ten a penny boys nickel and dime Gangster rappers handgun crime

TELEGRAM SAM

The telegram boy knocked lightly He was new and nervous slightly No response so he went around back

THE LADY MONDERGREEN

Every thing nowadays has a name every illness, every condition has a pigeon hole, every hobby or pastime, every job and occupation and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, after all that is o

THE ORIGINS OF DANCE # 1

If Scottish dancers Come from Scotland

THE ORIGINS OF DANCE # 2

If Scottish dancers Come from Scotland

TOOTING

Come and hear grandpa play

UN ANGELIC ANGELA

Angela has an awful voice, She takes after her mother June I don't know why she's in the choir, When she can’t stay in tune

UN ANGELIC ANGELA

Angela has an awful voice she takes after her mother June I don't know why she's in the choir when she cant stay in tune She cant even manage to stay in tune not even for a single note It sounds like someone's hands are tightening around her throat

VERSATILE MUSIC MAN

My dad is a versatile music man If anyone can play it then he can He’s been seen playing the cello

WHAT WERE YOU DOING?

People of a certain generation Older than baby boomers anyway

DO YOU WANT TO SEE A NAKED HARPIST

“Do you want to see a naked harpist?”

THE MOST OBEDIENT INANIMATE OBJECTS

The most obedient inanimate objects

THE ROWDY CROWD AT THE RODEO

The rowdy crowd at the Rodeo

COUPLES ON THE DANCE FLOOR

Couples on the dance floor

MY WIFE WANTED TO GO AND SEE THE CURE

My wife wanted to go and see the Cure
1 likes

THE HOKEY COKEY # 1

I just realized that I haven't done

I WROTE A SONG ABOUT A TORTILLA

I wrote a song about a Tortilla
1 likes

I WAS INVITED TO A PRETENDERS GIG

I was invited to a Pretenders gig

THE HOKEY COKEY # 3

I’m learning the Hokey Cokey

UP ON THE DANCE FLOOR

Up on the dance floor I have two left feet

THE HOKEY COKEY # 2

Getting over my Hokey Cokey