PLACES

Tales of places

ALL OF HUMAN KIND

All of human kind Spread across the globe

ALPINE QUERY

“Dad, Dad where are the Alps”?

APPARENTLY NIGERIA IS NOW POLO FREE

Apparently Nigeria is now polo free

APPARENTLY PEOPLE IN DUBAI

Apparently people in Dubai Don’t understand the Flintstones

ARE YOU WEARING A DUTCH CAP?

Are you wearing a Dutch cap?

ARE YOU WEARING A WET SUIT?

Are you wearing a wet suit?

ARE YOU WEARING BLUE LIPSTICK?

Are you wearing blue lipstick?

AT STONEHENGE, THE DRUIDS

At Stonehenge, the druids Exchange bodily fluids

BATSI

It was early in the Month of June I knew my trip Would end to soon In Batsi town On Andros isle I came to rest And stayed a while The northern isle In the Cyclades With sun and sand

CITY OF ANGELS

The smog sits over Los Angeles

CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF

Contrary to popular belief
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DEFINITELY TONGUES

What do they call French kissing? In France that's the bit I'm missing

DIRECTORY ENQUIRY

I was a stranger in town, And didn’t know my way around

EAST OF KINTYRE

On the Mull of Kintyre I stood atop the steep cliffs

EUTOPIA

Darling buds of May,

FEEDING TIME AT THE ZOO

The difference between a Northern Zoo And one in Mississippi A southern zoo has a description of the animal Along with "a recipe"

FROGGY

In France, frog’s live Under French skies

GLIENICKE BRIDGE

On a grey misty morning Under cold war skies

GOD’S COUNTRY

The breeze on my face was still warm Though the sun was setting

HEART OF OAK

It's 1660 and after the death of the puritan tyrant Cromwell the monarchy has been restored under Charles the II. In the south of England the summer is fading as the land is hastened into autumn.

I AM FROM THE CARIBBEAN

I am from the Caribbean

I LOVE THIS LAND

I love this land, village and hamlet Rose covered cottage, church and mill I love this land, coast and country Mountain and lake, vale and hill I love this land, town and city

IN WHAT STATE OF DRESS

In what State of dress

IS THERE ANY GREATER PLACE ON EARTH?

When June comes fourth upon us Is there any greater place on earth?

LL$!!FAM@!!£ER L#%@$!?!?ILIOG

I was in North Wales Just the other day

LOCAL AMENITIES

I've just been to the shops

MARS WALK

After many years of trying And years of deep space flying
Cherry

MILLENIUM

Two thousand years to celebrate Let's make our plans don't hesitate We'll build it big we'll build it grand

MIXED RACE

He was a man from Coventry And she was born in Brittany But despite there nationality They soon found similarity They wed and found a flat to let And they had a child named Violet

MY GRANDFATHER WAS FROM LAPLAND

My Grandfather was from Lapland

MY HOUSE HATES ME

It was late May and the hottest day of the year so far, I had the day off work which I should have been enjoying.

NEW ANTHEM AHEM

Cuba should have a new national anthem I know what gets my vote

ON THE WAY TO MAYBURY HILL

As a young man H.G. Wells had spent an unhappy

PICCADILLY PHILLY

We stood on a busy London street One bright warm summer day

POLES AND HOLES

If the people from Poland Are known as Poles

QUILPIE

Quilpie, western Queensland Is in the Channel Country

RUNNYMEDE

I sit in the green and pleasant corner of this land known as Runnymede where the Thames laps its way ever closer to London.

SALISBURY VIEW

The late September sun Bathed the water meadow

SUNLIGHT DANCING

Bright sunlight dances across the open water Glinting like diamonds in the soft march winds The surface occasionally broken by rising fish Far-reaching ripples expand as a splash rescinds

TELL ME PLEASE I WANT TO KNOW

Tell me please I want to know

The Girl In The White Dress

It was September 1997, I was up in London for a meeting with a client in Young Street and I had misjudged the journey time and found myself with sometime to kill. Princess Diana had died tragically the week before and was lying in Kensington Palace which was only a short walk from my destination.

THE LEGEND OF THE SILENT POOL

The amorous King John Took by ungentlemanly force The woodcutter’s daughter

THE LONDON EYE

The London eye Is a giant wheel All white and bright And made of steel

THE NEEDLES

The needles lie half submerged

THE REASON WE KNOW THE INDIANS

The reason we know the Indians

THE RED RIVER OF THE NORTH

The Red River of the North Is born at the confluence Of the Bois de Sioux

THE RED RIVER OF THE SOUTH

The Red River of the south Gains it name From the red-bed country

THE RIGHT WEATHER

If you live in the United States

THE SURREY HILLS

I walked along a hill top path With my old dog Jake

THIS OLD HOUSE

This old house With faded papered walls

WEST OF KINTYRE # 1

On the Mull of Kintyre

WEST OF KINTYRE # 2

On the Mull of Kintyre I stood atop the steep cliffs

WEST OF KINTYRE # 3

On the Mull of Kintyre I stood atop the steep cliffs

WOKING

Woking so wants a claim to fame So tenuous links to the famous they list On the official Woking web site Such as Adelina de Lara, Concert pianist The Spice Girls and George Bernard Shaw

BEFORE THE WALL CAME DOWN

Before the wall came down, the

IT RAINS IN ENGLAND

England has a reputation for being wet

TENSE TRAVELLER

I just returned yesterday

SOPHISTICATED NORTH AMERICANS

I had heard that there was such a thing

THIS ENGLAND

Of all the places I have been Britain is the best I've seen

THE LEGOLAND EXPERIENCE

It was not long after it opened, 1998 if memory serves, that we visited Legoland in Windsor on a very hot day in August. When I say we I am of course referring to myself, my wife Tina and our three sons, Ben 5, Josh 3 and Sam aged 2.

WHIPPET'S, PIGEON'S AND SHEEP

In order not to cause offence in any way I should like to begin this piece by pointing out that the opinions here in are not in any way my own but rather have been imparted to me by others.

AUSTRALIAN CULTURE

Being English we like to think that

THE ABERGELE ROADS

At dusk we walk slowly by the shore line The waves lapping at the sand break gently While children play among the craggy rock pools Or happily skimming stones on the sea

FRENCH FAVOURITE

As a Nation, the French

CHINESE GOOSEBERRIES

Chinese Gooseberries aren’t Chinese

THE CANARY ISLANDS

The Canary Islands, as listed