Panic with Pen and Paper
By ice rivers
I'm writing this on paper with an orange RIT Alumni Association pen. I like these pens. They have a friendly flow which tends to make my handwriting distinctive and legible at least to me. Every time I attend an alumni function, I grab a handful of these pens from the seemingly inexhaustible supply. I grab them in case of an emergency.
The emergency has arrived.
I need to record it somehow
We are having some structural work done on the foundation of our home which seems to be sinking into the ground. To remedy the situation, the guys are attempting to lift my garage a half an inch.
In the course of lifting the garage someone accidentally cut the cable connecting us to television, land line and internet.
We got the news five minutes ago. The cable "might" have been severed.
The panic set in immediately. Lynn was preparing to play Raul Malo on our Sonos system. I was getting ready to turn on CNN. I had already been on Facebook and Yahoo Fantasy sports so it was high time to make the critical shift to teevee as we do every day at this juncture.
That's when we got the warning. Naturally we were frightened. We hoped for the best. I turned on the teevee and was thrilled to see that the guide immediately appeared. From the guide, I chose CNN. I needed to make sure that North Korea had not yet bombed Guam and/or we had not responded with fire, fury and power never before seen on this earth. I didn't want to miss THAT.
Our happiness was short lived. The guide failed to connect with the network. We had no teevee.
Maybe this was it.
I looked outside. Nothing was on fire. So far so good.
I'm still alive.
The workman knocked on the door and putting a hat on a hat told us that indeed the cord had been cut and we were out of connection. He assured us that he would re-connect us "soon".
"Soon" takes on a different meaning when you find yourself going cold turkey.
The seconds passed like hours. Lynn had already vacuumed the floor several times and had completed her normal routine.
I had just taken a shower as had Lynn.
Our routines had been exhausted.
Meanwhile on a blank teevee, the world might be coming to an end. Willie Mays might have died. Trump might have fired Sessions for refusing to fire Mueller. Paul Manafort might have assaulted Donald Trump Jr. I didn't want to miss any of that like I had missed Ruby shooting Oswald (coming home from church) or Nixon resigning (backpacking in Montana).
Speaking of cold turkey, we had some in the fridge so eating was still an option. Unfortunately I had already devoured my breakfast and it was way too early to begin lunch. In addition I was till stuffed to the point of hallucination based on yesterday's overdose of endless salad, Gnocchi soup and breadsticks at our local Olive Garden.
I was so full last night that I didn't even have enough room for the smoke of a cigar.
And now this.....
Fortunately we still have a few apple cider donut holes, a six pack of Stella Artois and a barely opened party size of Wavy Lay's potato chips. If worst comes to wurst, I can always go old school, Devour the donuts, chomp the chips, chug the Stella and pick a fight with the wife.
And if thing got to their wurst, I can grab some thin sliced balogna from our ever present supply and soak up some of the brew with baloney.
That's if the refrigerator is still working.
"Lynn, is the refrigerator still working", I asked.
"Of course it is, why wouldn't it be. I hope you don't think the refrigerator is part of the teevee"
" Just check the god damned refrigerator will ya."
Grudgingly she checked the refrigerator, Thank God, it was fine. The beer and the turkey were still both cold. The turkey was getting colder by the instant as time crawled by.
Things are getting tense.
Lynn then asked "what in the name of God are you doing with that pen and paper."
I read to her what I have written down up to the point where I wrote 'I read to her'.
Lynn responded customarily "Why do you feel a need to tell other people the details of our lives. You've always got to be the center of attention. The big shot. You think everything is a movie that you're directing or a script that you're writing. When are you gonna stop wasting your time dicking around with writing that nobody reads, understands or gives a shit about?"
I've heard this a few times in the past so I adjusted my defense based on the situation. "I'll stop dicking around either when the teeveee comes back on or when I run out of paper which is about to happen.
BAM it happened.