Stars
By london_calling79
- 1506 reads
She's never spoken before.
Not to me.
Not properly.
Just platitudes.
How are you?
Cold today isn't it?
Have a good weekend!
There's a shadow on his lung,
she says.
Wine breath.
Wet eyes.
Some things are meant to be,
she says.
I say I'm sorry,
that I know someone the same.
She points to the sky.
She says
there's someone looking over us.
I smile.
Look up.
See only stars.
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Comments
I think only sounds fine -
I think only sounds fine. I don't know if the 'faith is unshakeable' lne is necessary though - see what others think?
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That's what I thought, The
That's what I thought, The smile and the someone looking over us says it all very clearly
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I never saw the original, but
I never saw the original, but this works, for me. I like the absence of speech marks. I've been trying the same idea. Obviously not as well.
Parson Thru
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I like its spareness, suits
I like its spareness, suits the bleak subject matter.
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