My Feet and I

"Well, what a beautiful baby boy!"

They exclaimed on the day of my birth.

"A bouncing, bonnie little man."

So I yelled for all I was worth.

They cooed at my smile so sweet,

then they gasped at the size of my feet.

At school, I tried to run with the crowd

though I always fell in at the back.

They said I'd make a good sportsman.

"Give him the ball and give him some slack!"

But my team-mates ran in retreat

at the sight of my awesome feet.

"You're just the sort of lad that we need,"

said the sergeant. "You've got the height!"

Well, I marched with pride in my gait

to the rhythm of left, left, right.

They finally admitted defeat.

Couldn't cope with my two crossed feet.

I fell in love with a gorgeous girl.

"Hey babe! Shall we dance the fandango?"

A horrible shock was all she got,

I could only do the danfango.

The poor girl ran down the street

with a bruise from my cumbersome feet.

My feet and I have tramped this world

and everyone hears when we're due.

It gives them time to take shelter,

saves them from damage anew.

I love my life with these slabs of meat,

I've grown fond of my ponderous feet.