Better Angels of La Grange (heaven part 2)
By ice rivers
- 1753 reads
To my mortal amazement, Lynn was as alive as I.
To my immortal wonder, perhaps she was as dead as I.
I saw the truck coming through her window.
No way that she could have survived that collision as long as there were laws of physics that governed force, mass, speed and velocity.
If she was alive…these natural laws had been circumvented which put us in the realm of the supernatural where we have remained ever since.
And the blood?
We both had slashes above our right elbow from the shattered glass….nothing serious.
We were able to exit the vehicle without much trouble.
I went to check on my cameras. In my dreams, my camera is always broken at times like this.
My camera was shattered.
That suggested, I might wake up so I decided to go with the dream a little further to see what would happen.
I went to my video camera. It seemed to be working.
Uh Oh.
This might not be a dream.
Whatever it was, if I could tape it…it might help.
I turned on the camera. It worked. The semi had come to a stop about 150 yards in front of us. The driver was still in the cab
I pointed the camera in the other direction and noticed a person coming towards us.
I kept the camera aimed at his face so I got a closer up look than I would have without the camera.
I focused on his eyes.
His eyes told me that he thought he was looking at a couple of ghosts.
When he got within speaking distance, I put down the camera.
“I saw the whole thing. I thought you guys were goners? Are you okay?”
I wasn’t sure.
We walked around to the side of the van. Lynn was leaning up against it.
I kept the video running.
The tape would later be seen at least three times on national teevee.
Moments later, the police arrived.
Lynn explained the collision with astounding calm and clarity.
I was no longer taping.
They arranged for our totaled van to be removed from the median.
They gave us a ride to a nearby hotel.
They explained our situation to the folks at the front desk who set us up with a room although all of our belongings were still in the van.
They gave us a room pro-bono.
Everybody told us not to worry.
We found out that we were in La Grange, Indiana.
All we had was the clothes on our backs.
And the aid of better angels.
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Comments
To have survived to tell the
To have survived to tell the story, you were very lucky. It must have scarred you for life.
Jenny.
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Try to cut a little where you
Try to cut a little where you can. Put yourself on a barstool keeping the drinkers mesmerised.
Eg "I told him I wasn't sure" could be reduced to "I wasn't sure" directed straight at the audience. Direct, rather than reported.
Don't forget "kill your darlings". If you have the slightest feeling that a line or lines might not hit the spot instantly with the reader, cut it ruthlessly or change it until it does.
I hope I don't seem too picky or harsh, but I'm working on the basis of what you told me in your comment.
Parson Thru
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Yes. The quote's his. Ok.
Yes. The quote's his. Ok. Will do. I commented on part 4, I think, about the drafts and maybe looking at getting them more polished ahead of posting them. You'll pick up more readers and feedback.
Parson Thru
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