The Man in the Dark Cloak
By Lily Ann
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The man in the dark cloak passes by my small home every evening. The bright sunset causes his menacing silhouette to cast a shadow into my bedroom. He has walked this same route for as long as I can remember, but he wasn’t always alone. Years ago, he and his kind wife would walk together. I remember their shadow would make me smile and it felt like their silhouettes were dancing with each other. The man seemed to be full of light as his dark facial hair would lift with a smile upon looking at his beautiful wife. His hair was combed and though he still wore his dark cloak it looked more like a nice piece of clothing instead of the shield he now hides behind. I miss the days of dancing shadows, they brought out joy, but now there is only a lonely shadow filled with sadness.
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Comments
You draw clearly a poignant
You draw clearly a poignant picture of his grief. Rhiannon
'though he still wore his dark cloak' Personally I would think the 'still' is better left out as you're looking back, not at the future. though he wore his dark cloak then sounds right to me!
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Perhaps you should break for
Perhaps you should break for a new paragraph before .... Years ago... as it sets out a new thought, unless of course you were striving for a paragraph story or poem.
"His hair was combed and though he still wore his dark cloak it looked more like a nice piece of clothing instead of the shield he now hides behind."
perhaps could be...
He keeps his sheild buttoned up as a coat, and his hair is unkempt.
its a good thought, only it needs refining :) enjoy editing!
maisie Guess what? I'm still alive!
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