Promise

Cherry

By Scorpio88

Wed, 31 Jul 2019
  • 1191 reads
8 comments
 

The words aren’t the rivers they once were,
the babbling brooks that carried me,
through adolescence and through youth,
to adulthood and all that I have seen.

This morning yet another word was gone,
which means I’ll search the lexicon,
I’ll find it once again I’m sure,
but maybe not in time.

Please God, don’t let me lose my petals now,
don’t make me clutch and grab
in vain for things I once commanded,
and in return I promise I will not,
go raging into the night.

Certificate U
Poem
Spiritual
Philosophy
Miscellaneous
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by onemorething on

Love the metaphors. Love the words as water and petals. So good. 

 

Submitted by Scorpio88 on

Many thanks. I think a poem without metaphors is like bicycle without wheels.smiley

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Wisfully and longingly expressed, we can empathise. In the end whether we do have to face memory loss or physical weakness, we'll have to pray grace for such time, and a hope for the future even better life by grace. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Scorpio88 on

Aye, we all have our own trials to face.

Many thanks for the comment.

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

Excellent metaphors expressing the anxiety that some feel in not being able to immediately remember a particular word when writing poetry and the fear of it becoming a permanent impairment.
I like the Dylan Thomas touch of the last line.

Best, Luigi

 

Submitted by Scorpio88 on

Thanks for the comment. I felt the DT reference was a really good way to close the poem. Glad you liked it.

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

I agree with Luigi,

there's an artistic skill in creating the right words, when that thread of thought suddenly isn't there it can be devistating. You certainly haven't lost your skills and like the others have said, I think the metaphors work perfectly.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Scorpio88 on

Thankyou.

Not sure about the skills though. Mostly I trust to blind luck and effort. For every poem that makes it I've lost count of how many go in the bin. [indecision] ​