Shopping with kids
Ayesha always went shopping on Sunday afternoons,
both kids in the back. Let’s get this over quick as we can.
She hates driving but needs to put things in the boot.
Why does everything have to be so heavy?
We broke up two years ago. It was never going to last
although sometimes late at night I thought
‘what if we change how we feel about everything?’
But that’s not how to do things and her two sons
were used to not getting attached. I feel bad I wasn’t the one
who stuck around but once Ayesha has made her mind up,
that’s how things will be done. I guess there’s someone else now
for the kids to not get used to. I fell in love with all three of them.
Sometimes I wake up in the night so desperate for commitment
let me sit in dentist waiting rooms, one either side of me,
both of them screaming and I have to bollock them
in the car on the way home and then immediately apologise.
Explain it’s been a hard day and I always hated the dentists too.
Let me take them to the supermarket on Sundays
and get them treats and say ‘don’t tell your mum’
and with their mouths full of Flumps they know this is a good time
to be obedient and while we’re out I know I can take my time
because Ayesha will never get bored that now she can enjoy
these Sunday afternoons all on her own, no kids,
both feet in the footspa her boys bought her for Mother’s Day
and she will snooze and stretch and read and think ‘peace.’
Sometimes I think about going there on a Sunday afternoon;
the big Asda on Boundary Road, hoping I’ll bump into her,
dressed in her ‘I’m going to the supermarket’ jeans and jumper
And she won’t know what to say to me but I’ve never known
what to say to Ayesha ‘you’re so beautiful and perfect’ seems
as obvious and redundant as ‘we’re both in a supermarket,’
and I’d look at all the things in her trolley.