Horndog Max

In his ongoing efforts to produce fudged statistics to sell to Cosmopolitan magazine, Jem Masters felt that he had to do at least some research. He hd discovered long, long ago that if he carried a clipboard and fake credentils, he could ask almost anything to almost anybody.

Armed with his clipboard, Jem determined to "survey" 10 people and then make up the rest of his "conclusions'. Jem usually "surveyed" the same 10 folks, who were always glad to oblige especially when they were convinced that they were contributing to some significant socio-economic, scientific data which would be protected by anonymity. Of course, Jem had already made up the numbers that he ould use on his survey in order to make money on the sensational "reports" that he was peddling.

After asking his subjects some phony questions about their age, health and teevee watching eperience, Jem asked this question..."How often do you have sexual intercourse over the course of one year?"

The answers ranged between 150 to 15. Then he asked the folks how "satisfied" they were with that number. Most of the folks were far less than satisfied and many expressed sadness, frustration even anger.

After getting this information from 9 of the 10, Jem releuctantly made his way to the doorstep of Max Jenkins. Max always responded politely but had a tendency to ask too many "questions" about the "survey" and was usually a sad sack whose suspicion drained some of Jem's energy. Jem had to be careful and at his most authentic.

Jem pulled out his trusty clipboard.

This time, Max surprised Jem with his ebullience, joy and enthusiasm when Max got around to the two big questions.

Max proudly declared that he had sexual intercourse once a year.

Furthermore, Max was overjoyed with his answer.

Jem revealed to Max how other folks had reported much higher numbers and had done so with a palpable tone of dissatisfaction. Jem wondered why Max was so happy with his response.

Max said, "Tonight's the night. It's Valentine's Day isn't it."