Contrasts at Target
By ice rivers
- 601 reads
We drive a Cadillac and I'm getting cataracts. The decision about cataract surgery is when not if. I decided to get one more pair of glasses and put the surgery off for a year. Since the glasses are gonna be a short term fix, I decided to get a pair with the fewest bells and whistles (no transition, non-progressive, polycarbonite etc.)
Looking for a quick fix, we took my prescription to Target. We picked out a pair of dark glasses with oval Harry Potter type frames. Lynn did most of the negotiating as my hearing is almost as bad as my vision but my vision is catching down fast.
With all of the details sorted out, all that remained for me to do was to have the salesperson fit the glasses to my face.
Lynn decided to step outside of the shop to get a free flu shot which also included a $5 coupon.
Let's pause here for a brief discussion of contrasting accents. My accent is very similar to accents from other cities on the Great Lakes. I come from Rochester which I pronounce Rahchester. Down heyah, in the stayit of North Caroleyena the folks tend to draw out vowel sounds. I love their accent but we transplants from the North are beginning to endanger it.
The sales person wore a name tag that said Bernadette. She was a young thaing of about 55, thin, blonde and spectacled with half her face concealed by a modest mask. Her axsayint was a little extreme but quite attractive if barely comprehensible to me, specially comin' thru that mask.
We sat down across from one another. She took out this measuring device that looked kinda like a pair of heavy metal glasses and got ready to put it on my face to measure the distance between my eyes. As she prepared to do so she said somethin' which I could barely hear/understand through her mask, my deafness and our colliding accents.
I non-verbally asked her to repeat herself by rising my eyebrows, turning my palms up, widening my eyes and shrugging my shoulders.
Bernadette got the message. She repeated herself.
"Do y'all have a problem with alkahall."
I wondered why she was asking me such a profound and personal question.
I sat there speechless as she sprayed some sort of alcohol cleansing solution on the measuring device.
" I always have to ask that before we try these on after I spraaay 'em."
I replied " As a matter of fact, I quite enjoy alcohol."
Bernadette's eyes told me she was smiling under her mask so I went to the next gear.
" Although, a couple of years ago my wife was massaging my back with rubbing alcohol and I nearly broke my neck trying to lick it off."
Bernadette exploded in laughter.
Lynn walked back in.
Bernadette still laughing said to Lynn, "Oh, you're husband is sooo funny. He's a regular Rodney Dangerfield.'
"Oh yeah, said Lynn. He's quite the comedian."
Bernadette was still laughing when she checked us out at counter. Lynn was far less amused. I was once again caught in the middle.
The glasses would be ready in three weeks. We said so long to Bernadette.
Right outside the door was a girl in a lab coat with the job of encouraging folks to get flu shots and then giving them the shot herself. Her name tag said "Kitty". She looked like a nice kid so I decided to get my free flu shot. The Kitty kid did a great job. I hardly felt it.
Beautiful.
As we headed back to the Cadillac, Lynn told me what had occurred when she got her flu shot and I was alone with Bernadette. After getting the shot and before heading to straighten out whatever mess I was making, Lynn caught this transaction.
Kitty was doing her job. She asked a passerby if he wanted his flu shot. The passerby, was an older guy with a potbelly, baseball hat. Nuthin' wrong with any of that.
"Hell no. I wouldn't have you put that poison in my arm. It's guvment propaganda and you know it is. You know the facts. Look at 'em. Look at the facts."
Kitty maintained her composure, " the facts I have come from doctors and medical science. I believe in medicine."
"Well you got the wrong facts and y'all should be ashamed." and the passerby passed by taking his storm clouds with him.
A few minutes later, I met the composed Kitty who gave me my shot.
Until Lynn told me the story, I didn't know how right Kitty was.
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Comments
Enjoyed this very much, ice.
Enjoyed this very much, ice. I love that opening sentence, and the idea of something 'catching down' is brilliant.
We have a bunch of anti-maskers and anti-most other things who congregate outside a pharmacy where I live, waving a few placards. People tend to give them a wide berth.
I'd love to see/hear you tackling the accent here in Yorkshire!
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I did enjoy reading about
I did enjoy reading about these contrasts. Nice sense of humour as well!
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